Tourists debark cruise ships in Puerto Vallarta to find a variety of photo opportunities await – a collection of parrots, a huge sombrero, a burro, an automatic assault rifle.

The latter is slung over the shoulder of a soldier, posted at the dock to make sure no Americans sneak into his country to do work no Mexican will do.

You will find the same military presence at every port of call south of the border, apparently because the Mexicans take the concept of sovereignty seriously. Americans are welcome guests in Mexico (although, once in Mazatlan, we saw "Viva Osama" graffiti), but the military presence is there to remind them they are guests.

On the other hand, if you returned to the United States of America last week, you discovered:

• The Bush administration was setting aside a billion dollars to reimburse border-state hospitals and doctors for treating illegal aliens,

• It cost the USA nearly $6 billion over the past three years to incarcerate illegal aliens, and

• A California state senator wanted to exempt illegal aliens from having their vehicles impounded if they were caught driving without a license.

Provision of medical care for illegals has burdened border state medical facilities, because hospitals must provide emergency medical care, regardless of a patient's ability to pay.

To gain federal reimbursement, hospitals will have to determine if a patient is an illegal alien – without asking him. Asking, you see, might deter a patient from seeking treatment. This wouldn't be a problem for the general population if the illegal had a broken leg, but it would if he had tuberculosis. (Both conditions, of course, might prevent said patient from performing work no American would do.)

Instead, hospital personnel should try to ascertain immigration status through indirect questions, like, "How are your mom and dad in Hermosillo?"

Even this is too much for the National Council of La Raza, which believes indirect questions might confuse an illegal alien into thinking he has to disclose his illegal status – like he should feel guilty about it or something.

And what state will receive the largest share of the federal pot this year? California, of course, where the feds will shell out nearly $71 million to treat illegal aliens.

It seems American penal officials have no scruples when it comes to inquiring into an inmate's immigration status, which is how we know how much it costs to jail illegals who have compounded their initial criminal entry by committing other crimes.

So we know incarcerating the 49,000 illegal alien federal prisoners cost us $5.8 billion over the past three years, to say nothing of the cost to states of housing and feeding another 74,000, or the cost to cities and counties of locking up another 147,000.

Check our arithmetic, but we think this adds up to about 270,000 major and minor crooks who entered the United States illegally.

Of course, while it is expensive to incarcerate all major and minor criminals, in fairness, the costs should be balanced against the contribution made to our economy by the commission of crimes no American would commit.

California law requires that if a cop catches you driving without a license, your car goes to the impound lot. The bill to exempt illegal aliens from this draconian provision was submitted by state Sen. Gil Cedillo.

As Cedillo represents a Los Angeles district, where, it is safe to assume, many Hispanic Americans reside. Hispanic family ties are particularly strong, and experience tells us that legal residents favor protections for their illegally residing relatives.

So, the Los Angeles Democrat probably thinks he is just representing his constituents' interests by representing the interests of illegals who can't vote – yet.

But Cedillo also took an oath of office to uphold the laws of his state and nation. If he actually is representing illegal aliens, is he not breaking his oath? Or would he argue he is merely performing a service no American would perform?