It's often been said that Jimmy Carter is a much better ex-president than he was president. If that was the case, it's no longer true – and that's hard to do.

Jimmy Carter, the 39th president of the United States and current special ambassador to Everywhere, has spent the better part of a few decades practicing conflict resolution on the world. Jimmy has attempted to mediate settlements from the Israeli-Palestinian fight to the Jessica Simpson-Nick Lachey marriage, and traveled to all unmopped corners of the globe to offer hug-therapy seminars for thugs in need of a dose of soothing malaise.

Some look at despots, and the innocents suffering under their rule, and think the people would be better off if said despot were removed from power. Jimmy Carter sits them down at a table, buys a couple of rounds of drinks, and tries to get them in the sack together. Even if Carter finds temporary success, morning always comes, and light dawns on ugly.

Sunrise is just around the corner for Carter's latest project, which was to oversee the Palestinian elections, where the Islamic militant group Hamas won an overwhelming majority in the legislature.

Here's what Jimmy Carter had to say about the Palestinian election mere hours after the voting: "The elections were completely honest, completely fair, completely safe and without violence."

Remember the days when Billy was the embarrassing one?

An "election" is a process, not just the act of voting. An election process includes the subsequent peaceful transfer of power. So how can Carter say that the election has been fair, safe and without violence before the process is complete? He can't, but he does anyway. Such is the freedom of the career mediator with nothing to lose, not the least of which is a presidential legacy.

What Jimmy Carter, knowingly or unknowingly, said to the world was that suicide bombings and other violence at polling places won't occur as long as terrorists are allowed a spot on the ballot.

Carter also exercised his tried-and-true "fingers crossed" technique, expressing his hope that Hamas would "act responsibly." Jimmy is relatively sure that Hamas will do just that. After all, they told him they would.

There are two options with Jimmy Carter: He's either a gullible fool in search of a legacy or a closet despot lover in search of a closet.

In 2002, Carter visited Cuba and hooked up with Fidel Castro for what almost resembled a creepy eHarmony.com ad. At the time, Carter's visit rankled nerves in the Bush administration because it was thought that Castro had, at the very least, a limited biological-weapons program.

It was also thought that Cuba had shared that technology with rogue terrorist states. Castro could have easily accomplished this by planting the information in Carter's back pocket and letting him unwittingly deliver it during his next "grip-n-grin" with the rogue terrorists in question.

Carter came out of his trip doubting that Cuba had any such programs. Why? You guessed it: Because Castro told him he didn't. Well, that and because Castro granted Carter "free access to any place that you may wish to see" (with 24-hour notice for "tidying up"). The Cuban government also told its people that they were free to speak openly with Carter, provided they were polite, courteous and willing to spend the next 20 years in a labor camp.

It's been pointed out that Carter's monitoring of the Palestinian election and subsequently deeming the vote as "fair" and "honest" should in no way be read as a Carter endorsement of Hamas.

Isn't it strange how, mere hours after the Palestinian elections – and others around the world – Carter was able to praise the vote as "fair, peaceful and honest," but Jimmy would never, ever, consider offering the same knee-jerk deference to an American election?

In September 2004, Carter wrote an op-ed in the Washington Post, titled "Still seeking a fair Florida vote." If other nations read Jimmy's column, you have to wonder why anybody would want a former participant in the corrupted American system described by Carter to be the one monitoring the fairness in their elections. Wouldn't that be like hiring Capt. Hazelwood to oversee the safety of your shipping industry?

The fact is, Carter's op-ed never would have been written if a Democrat ended up in the White House. Simply put, the criteria for Jimmy Carter to deem an election "fair and honest" starts with one simple question: "Did my candidate win?"

Despite post-election violence erupting between Hamas and Fatah, Carter will continue to consider the Palestinian vote a rousing success – at least until somebody claims to have accidentally voted for Buchanan.