Editor's note: Michael Ackley's columns may include satire and parody based on current events, and thus mix fact with fiction. He assumes informed readers will be able to tell which is which.

''Welcome! Welcome'' Come on in!''

George W. Bush enthusiastically greeted House Speaker-presumptive late last week in the famous Blue Room of the White House.

''Sit anywhere you're comfortable,'' continued the president. ''Would you like some tea or coffee? How about a soft drink? Something stronger?''

''Do you have Calistoga water?'' asked Rep. Nancy Pelosi, (D-San Francisco). ''I'd like something from close to home.''

''Certainly,'' said the president, giving the high sign to a waiter standing beside the door of the beautiful room.

(Column continues below)

''Say,'' he continued, ''I certainly was glad to hear you say that when you're speaker of the House one of your goals will be to restore civility. You know, that was one of my goals when I was elected six years ago. Danged if it hasn't been difficult to accomplish.''

''I'm sure we can work together on it Mr. President,'' Pelosi replied civilly.

''I'm sure, too,'' said Bush. ''Does this mean the end of that 'culture of corruption' stuff? After all, nobody in the GOP was keeping stacks of cash in a home freezer. Ha ha. Know what I mean?''

''Uh, well ... '' said Pelosi.

''And that business about 'war on the middle class' didn't seem any too civil, either, any more than the 'war against women,' 'assault on the environment' or all that class-envy stuff. Let's not forget that 'we hate Bush' mantra, either,'' said Bush. ''Here's your Calistoga. Want some pretzels? How about some mixed nuts?''

''I'm good,'' said Pelosi. ''Mr. President, I'm sure we're all just going to get along now. I'm positive. Washington, D.C. is going to be a different place from now on as we all work together to move America forward.''

''Glad to hear it. Glad to hear it,'' said Bush. ''I just wish I could be as sure as you seem to be that we're entering an era of sweetness and light. However, if you're ready to compromise on some things, you'll find us ready, too.''

Pelosi's expression hardened.

''Who said anything about compromise?'' she asked.

''Why, I just assumed,'' said Bush. ''Didn't somebody say that 'politics is the art of compromise'? I'm pretty sure somebody said that. And it seems like a civil approach to me.''

''I don't see why we have to compromise, whether it's an art or not,'' replied Pelosi. ''We won; the people are behind us; and you never veto anything anyway. I think we can do pretty much what we want.''

''That seems rather uncivil to me,'' said Bush.

''Mr. President, you just haven't grasped the Democratic Party definition of civility,'' Pelosi said. ''If you had understood it when you first took office, we'd have gotten along very well for the last six years.

''Please, enlighten me,'' said the chief executive eagerly.

''Civility,'' explained Pelosi, ''is you doing what we want. It never was anything else.''

''Nice talking to you,'' said Bush. ''You can take the rest of that Calistoga with you.''

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Another scene: Former President Bill Clinton, former veep Al Gore and Stephen Bing (universally described as a ''Hollywood mogul'') gathered in the latter's home to discuss the 55-to-45 percent loss of California's Proposition 87. Passage would have imposed a well-head tax on crude oil to finance development of alternative fuels – and to subsidize drivers of alternative-fuel vehicles.

''I know Big Oil outspent us $95 million to $60-something million,'' said Bing, who himself chipped in $50 million, ''but we had the star power – Robert Redford, Ben Affleck, Julia Roberts – and you guys. How could we lose? Maybe we needed more movie stars.''

''The answer is easy,'' replied Clinton. ''Not enough me. Movie stars to back wild-hare ideas are a dime a dozen. You should have spent more on TV ads featuring me.''

''I still say we could have been more specific about where the money might have gone,'' said Gore. ''If we only had explained that the taxes could have financed prospecting for dilithium crystals ...''

''Al,'' Bing interrupted gently, ''I think I've explained before – and as a Hollywood mogul I know – that 'Star Trek' is fiction.''

''You say,'' answered Gore sulkily.

''I suppose it's possible,'' Bing continued, ''that the majority of voters actually understood that a tax on supply would increase the cost of fuel – in the short run, of course.''

''Nonsense!'' shouted Clinton. ''There just wasn't enough me.''

''Dilithium,'' said Gore.

''More movie stars,'' said Bing.

And so they argued, into the night.

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