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Barney Frank smells something fishy

Posted: January 22, 2007
1:00 am Eastern

By Michael Ackley
© 2010 

Editor's note: Michael Ackley's columns may include satire and parody based on current events, and thus mix fact with fiction. He assumes informed readers will be able to tell which is which.

Cheers to Rep. Patrick McHenry, R-N.C., for his inspired and subtle heckling of Rep. Barney Frank, D-Mass.

McHenry suggested that American Samoa be exempted from a pending bill on stem cell research, thus calling attention to the Democrats' exemption of Samoa from the minimum wage bill. The minimum wage exemption benefited the Del Monte Corp., whose tuna processing plants provide 75 percent of the employment in the distant archipelago.

Frank's evident lack of amusement was highly amusing.

(Column continues below)

As has been widely reported, thanks to McHenry's use of humor, Del Monte is headquartered in San Francisco, home of House Speaker Nancy Pelosi. Perhaps the speaker can divert attention from the House's new ''culture of corruption'' by taking refuge in environmentalism.

She could say, ''No dolphins – only Samoans – were harmed in canning their minimum wage.''


Speaking of the speaker: The New York Times gushes that ''with the ascent of Nancy Pelosi, 66, widely recognized and admired for her Armani and easy fashion savvy, the days of the dowdy Washington dress code may be numbered. At least that is the hope of a number of women on Capitol Hill, Republicans and Democrats, who see Mrs. Pelosi ... as a fashion leader, too.''

At last, women are being taken seriously.


The thing that hath been, it is that which shall be; and that which is done is that which shall be done: and there is no new thing under the sun. – Ecclesiastes, 1:9

Judging by reader Tony Hunt's response to our query last week about the resurgence of the ''mullet'' hair cut, the answer lies in the quote above.

''My personal opinion,'' he writes, ''is that (the cut is coming back) because there is nothing new.''

He goes on to catalog cultural atavisms in music, theater, film and fashion, saying, ''Art in general seems to be dying. ... There is no new identity anymore, it's a national mid-life crisis. The nation has realized that childhood is gone, adolescence has past, and it's all work from now to retirement. The love handles are showing, and we can't bring ourselves to go to the gym. We're dying and most of us think it's just a transitional period so we can try and ignore the inevitable.''

Hunt concludes, ''And you thought you were just making fun of mullets.''

All we can say is ouch.

Mark G. van der Hoek responded to our query with a very sharp needle: ''The reason (for mullets) is obvious, and you had just finished discussing it when you launched out on the mullet matter.''

Then he quotes us: "Sum it up and you have an uneducated – and therefore politically (and otherwise) malleable – populace."


Imagine the conversations after Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's meetings with Venezuela's Hugo Chavez and Nicaragua's Daniel Ortega.

Ortega (to Chavez): Phew! I'm glad that zealot is out of here. He gives me the creeps. Chavez: Yeah, me too, but we have to remember he's our ally against the United States. As long as he's useful, we'll use him. Ortega: Sure, but we have to remember Marx's admonition that religion is the opium of the people. Ahmadinejad is totally into his religion as the governing force. Chavez: Don't worry about it. When we have established a workers' paradise, we'll deal with religion and the Ahmadinejads of the world just like the old Soviet Union. Ortega (chuckling): A clean sweep, eh? Chavez: You betcha!

Meanwhile, Ahmadinejad, flying back to Iran, puts in a call to Ayatollah Khameni:

Ahmadinejad: Praise Allah, I'm finally out of the company of those satanic communists. They give me the creeps. Khameni: I know what you mean. I felt the same way when Chavez visited me in Tehran. But remember, they are our allies against the United States. As long as they're useful, we'll use them. Ahmadinejad: Sure, but we have to remember what Marx said about religion being the opium of the people. These guys have to be anti-religious zealots. Khameni: Don't worry about it. When we have established a worldwide Islamic caliphate, we'll deal with them as the Prophet would. Ahmadinejad (chuckling): A clean sweep, eh? Khameni: You betcha!





Michael P. Ackley has worked more than three decades as a journalist, the majority of that time at the Sacramento Union. His experience includes reporting, editing and writing commentary. He retired from teaching journalism for California State University at Hayward.





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