Come out and fight like a man, you draft-dodging, misogynist wimp!

That’s right, I’m talking to you, Mr. Soon-to-be-Ex-President! Your
“scorched-earth” strategy to retain claim to your office may sound
manly, but by victimizing women, once again, you betray your cowardice.
No wonder Hillary wears the pants in your dysfunctional family. Someone
has to.

Having your political goons in the press go after Dan Burton was to
be expected from a low-life, yeah, I’ll say it, “scumbag” like you. I’m
not sure what relevance his marital problems from years earlier have to
do with his investigation of the countless ways you sold out your
country to hostile foreign interests, but no one should have expected
you to own up to your crimes or even to look Rep. Burton in the eye and
defend yourself. No, that’s not your style. You prefer to have your
hatchetmen fight your battles for you in the gutters.

Your paid flacks at Salon Magazine are even telegraphing your
impotent punches. They’re warning of a White House “Doomsday scenario —
the dreaded sexual Armageddon in which the personal peccadilloes of
everyone — Republicans, Democrats, journalists — are exposed if
Clinton’s infidelities are dragged into the open.”

You don’t have to be a genius to know for whose ears such warnings
are intended: Janet? Newt? Consider yourself put on notice.

But, for heaven’s sake, Helen Chenoweth? A 14-year-old affair? You’ve
got to be kidding. Is this the best Terry Lenzner’s grave-robbing,
sewer-rat team of private Gestapo thugs could come up with? If so, the
taxpayers are getting robbed.

It just goes to show what a low-life you are. I only hope the
American people still have enough brains to see through your smarmy
apologies for what they are — just part of your latest political
strategy, with about as much meaning and honesty as your “legally
accurate” denials of shtupping Monica Lewinsky.

You are a gutless worm, Bill Clinton. You are a disgrace to your
country, to your family and to the human race. Impeachment is too good
for you. The penitentiary is where you belong. Or in exile with your
fascist Chinese friends. No, worse yet, you should be sentenced to
marriage for life with Hillary. That would fix your wagon. And don’t let
us hear from your lawyers about constitutional provisions against cruel
and unusual punishment. You’ve never respected the Constitution before.
Don’t hide behind it now.

I guess this is the way it’s going to be as long as you remain the
titular head of government. You will insist on defining deviancy down to
the lowest common denominator — your own personal sense of morality.
Let me tell you, that’s pretty low. It’s waaaay down there — maybe a
notch above child-molesters.

Since you can’t convince anyone but the most stupid, hopelessly
dependent morons in America that what you do in your life is good, is
right, is moral — you seek to knock down everyone else around you.
Expose their shortcomings. Throw open their closet doors. Send the sex
police after them.

You know, at first I thought it was a shame that, of all things, your
affair with a White House intern would do you in. There are so many
other more significant crimes for which you should pay. It just didn’t
seem right that you should get away with treason, political abuse of
federal police agencies, misusing FBI files, etc., only to be nailed for
a backroom quickie.

But, you know, there’s something fitting about it. The images it
raises of you skulking around — even as the president of the United
States — in your own White House. How does it feel to be sitting in the
most powerful office in the world and know that you are, when you get
right down to it, little more than worthless pond scum?

I know. I know. Many people are going to say I’m being too hard on
you. I’m not being Christian enough. I’m not showing mercy and
forgiveness. Tough. I’ll think about being more charitable and merciful
the day I see Clinton dragged — preferably kicking and screaming like
the little girlie man he is, and preferably in chains — from the White

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