To those of you who are dancing jigs because the “evil” tobacco
companies seem to be losing in court more often, this column is for you.

For those supporters of more gun control and those who are praying
that the courts and the federal government sue the gun industry out of
existence, please — read on.

If you think those darned Sport Utility Vehicles should be banned
from the highways and byways of our great nation, take heed: This
column’s for you.

In fact, if you believe Microsoft should “pay” for its “monopoly” on
the browser, software, and computer program markets, stick around.

If you support any or all of these actions, it is beginning to look
as though you may get your way, at least in some of these cases. That
“prediction” ought to make you smile because now, as you mull over the
words I’ve written to this point, you can confidently mutter to
yourself, “Good. It’s about time.”

Indeed.

While we’re at it, why don’t we all call for a congressional panel of
behavioral, cultural and social experts to meet in Washington, D.C. (or
the U.N. — which?) as soon as possible, so they can decide amongst
themselves what kind of other bad habits 270 million other Americans
ought to have taken away from them.

What’s that? You wouldn’t support that? Why not?

Oh, I see — because you think they would eventually get around to
banning some “bad habit” that you enjoy. Oh.

My, aren’t you the hypocrite.

Now you’re saying, after reading the idea I’ve just floated, that
“nobody” has a right to tell you how to live your life,
eh? Not the courts, not the lawyers, not the legislators or government
bureaucrats. Nobody.

Well, if you are saying that, you’d be right. You are saying
that, aren’t you?

Now you get my point, don’t you? Now you see what us smokers,
Second-Amendment believers, big SUV drivers, alcohol drinkers and
Microsoft Windows users were talking about, don’t you?

You don’t? What, are you just stupid or something? Do you
really not believe “they” will eventually come after all those
bad habits of yours?

Well, if you really think that way, then maybe this column
isn’t for you after all.

I thought you were smarter than that. I thought you knew what all
this bad habit-grabbing was all about.

It’s about control, pure and simple.

You see, it’s not that all of these “anti-” people really hate
the fact that some of us enjoy cigarettes, or coffee, or SUVs, or guns,
or Microsoft. No, it’s just that they can’t stand it when they’re
not in “control” of your life. Period.

Think not?

Oh, so the cigar-smoking Bill Clinton or the tobacco-growing Al Gore
really do hate cigarettes — even though they insist on keeping
them legal so the government can tax the hell out of anyone who still
smokes? I see.

Oh, so the anti-gun Janet Reno hates guns so much that she’d rather
all of her FBI agents be unarmed, because guns are too dangerous? Sure.

Oh, so Chrysler, Chevrolet and Ford really don’t have a right to make
a vehicle that is so popular with most of the civilized world? Hmmm. …

Think I’m full of it, huh?

Well, your day is coming, fellow bad-habit person. Just when you
think you won’t be targeted for your bad habits, they’ll come
calling for you, too.

Those same liberals in the federal government have now attacked
Microsoft Chairman Bill Gates — a staunch supporter of gun control, gay
rights, the U.N. and all the politically correct things Washington
liberals love to champion. And he’s got a hundred billion dollars.

What makes you think you’re safe?

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