What I would do as new president

When asked what his first action as president would be, Pat Buchanan
had a great line.

As soon as he was sworn in, Buchanan said, he would turn to former
President Clinton and say, "Sir, you have the right to remain silent.
..."

That would be a great start -- no question about it. Clinton should
be read his Miranda rights, handcuffed and locked up awaiting trial for
high crimes. Forget the misdemeanors.

Given the outcome -- or non-outcome -- of the election, that scenario
seems unlikely. But here's an ambitious agenda for the new president's
first 100 days. Here's what I would do:

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• Just as Clinton did upon assuming office, the new president
  should fire every single U.S. attorney in the Justice Department and
  begin replacing them. When Clinton did it, it was unprecedented. It set
  the tone for the most lawless executive branch in U.S. history. He
  stacked the Justice Department with political hacks who then proceeded
  to provide cover for Clinton's crimes. Clinton has left the next
  president little choice but to sweep out those accomplices and replace
  them with honorable men and women who will respect the Constitution and
  the rule of law.

• Perhaps the most important appointment for the new president is
  attorney general. After nearly eight years of Janet Reno, it will take
  some time and some effort to remove the stench of and stains on that
  office. I would appoint
  
  Larry Klayman or
  
  Mark Levin to the job. Clinton and his cronies would be forced to seek asylum in Vietnam, Cuba or China to avoid the prosecution that would follow.

• Maybe the second most important job -- even though it is sub-Cabinet-level -- is director of the Federal Bureau of Investigation. My nominee for that position would be
  
  Rep. James Rogan,
  R-Calif., one of the House impeachment managers who lost his bid for re-election in Southern California. Rep. Bob Barr would be an excellent choice, too. But he's still a force to be reckoned with in the House, and I'd hate to lose him there.

• Who would be my secretary of state? Easy choice. Ambassador
  
  Alan Keyes. Colin Powell can't hold a candle to him.
• Secretary of defense? Former Secretary of the Navy John Lehman.
• Who would head the Department of Education? My wife, Elizabeth. She would dismantle that bureaucracy so fast it would make your head spin.
• Department of Agriculture? Rep. Ron Paul of Texas would get the honors. His mission would be abolishing the agency as fast as possible and saving the taxpayers billions.
• Department of Commerce? Harry Browne could destroy this one for me.
• Department of Energy? Howard Phillips would have the mandate to eliminate this bureaucracy within the first 100 days.
• Department of Health and Human Services? We'd close this one down without ever dignifying the agency with a secretary.
• Department of Housing and Urban Development? Ditto this monstrosity.
• Department of the Interior? I'd bring back James Watt to begin a fire sale on all federal land.
• Department of Labor? Pat Buchanan. After all, he deserves an appointment for coming up with that great laugh line.
• Department of Transportation? Privatize, my boy. Privatize.
• Department of Veterans Affairs? Col. David Hackworth. And I would hope he would hack it.
• Department of the Treasury? Anyone who would help me abolish the Internal Revenue Service, the Federal Reserve and bring back the gold standard. Any suggestions?

Anyway, that's a little piece of it. While those appointments were being confirmed, I'd be busy bringing all our troops home from overseas (with the possible exception of South Korea, for the time being), abolishing foreign aid of any kind and begin giving weekly fireside chats to the nation about self-governance, the importance of freedom and the glories of personal responsibility.

Do you think we'll see an agenda like that any time soon? Would you really want one? Or, deep down in your heart, would this kind of radical constitutional approach to government scare you? Would America be totally unprepared to handle it?

Well, maybe that's why I'll never have to worry about finding myself in that position. It's OK with me. I'm plenty happy doing what I'm doing. And for those of you biting your fingernails while reading this treatise, never fear. I will not seek, nor will I accept, the office of the presidency.