Isn't it ironic. ...
- That if Bill Clinton hadn't kicked Lazaro Gonzalez's door down,
Al Gore would now be president?
- That if Bill Clinton had not appeared on the cover of the latest
Esquire, Al Gore would now be president?
- That if Joe Lieberman hadn't gone and gotten himself
excommunicated, Al Gore would now be president?
- That, whatever happens, Joe Lieberman still has a job?
- That if Gore had managed to carry his own home state, this whole
debacle would be a moot point?
- That if he had carried Bill Clinton's state, this would probably
still be a moot point?
- That someone who once compared his opponents to people with
Down syndrome is arguing that his supporters were the ones too
stupid to know how to fill out a ballot?
- That Pat Buchanan is now arguing simultaneously that: a) his
votes were actually Gore votes, and b) Bush stole them fair and square?
- That "Rev." Jesse Jackson thinks affirmative action ought to
apply to the ballot box?
- That someone with the last name "Daley" is complaining about
- That he uses an almost identical ballot to rig elections in
- That a respected, well-financed polling service almost threw the
election while Matt Drudge, in his apartment, alone, got it right?
- That the man Gov. George W. Bush sent to certify this election
was the same guy who lost it for his father in 1992?
- That Dubya cleared more votes than Clinton ever managed to?
- That Gore spokesman Chris Lehane actually believed the polls?
- That Mr. "Stay and Fight" took it literally?
- That Gore now depends on the military vote?
- That the residents of Missouri elected a corpse?
- That he wasn't even a very good-looking corpse?
- That Sen. Ashcroft didn't try and sue his way to victory?
- That Hispanics didn't cotton to compassionate conservatism
- That there is nary a word in the mainstream press about the
possible vote fraud exposed by Joseph Farah in these pages? (Oh, wait, it was by Democrats. Never mind.)
- That Ralph Nader actually cracked a smile?
- That it was over a Republican winning something?
- That Bush could still take Oregon?
- That only one --- count 'em, one --- house manager was defeated?
- That, if history repeats itself, Gore is Nixon?
- That this would make Bush Kennedy?
- That the comparison actually makes some kind of whacked-out sense?
- That many elections still hinge on the U.S. Post Office?
- That, in spite of it all, Hillary got elected? (Next time, Hill, just admit to killing Vince Foster yourself. Guaranteed landslide.)
- That she wouldn't have had a prayer in Arkansas?
- That Lazio wouldn't either?
- That Giuliani might've?
- That it's going to be Clinton and Gore fighting it out in 2004?
- That, according to an informal poll, most Americans would prefer to flip a coin?
- That a significant minority would favor a duel?
- That Charlton Heston would loan Bush the gun?
- That then we'd have to worry about "bullet fraud"?
- That, given the choices, Americans opted for a "risky Electoral College scheme"?
- That we seem to be doing just fine without a president?
- That we already don't miss the first lady?
- And, finally, that Alanis Morissette couldn't find anything ironic to write about in that whole damn song?
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