Teaching your child to be a good loser

Al Gore's problem could have resulted from unwise parenting. We have
heard the tales of his parents preparing him for the destiny of becoming
President of the United States. Gore seems to have been raised with the
Democrat view of a goal. To Al Gore, the presidency was an entitlement.
To George W. Bush, raised on Republican principles, running for this
office was an opportunity.

I have coached girls softball for more than a dozen years. Girls on
my teams learn basic skills, have a lot of fun, everyone gets to play,
and we try to win. I have coached in the championship game in most of
these years -- although the final victory has not been mine as often as
I would have liked. If our girls win a trophy for first or second place,
then they get a trophy. But unlike other teams in our area, I do not
give them trophies for participation. You have an opportunity to earn a
trophy -- it is not an entitlement.

Al Gore understands that there is only one trophy in a race for
president. And having come to believe that trophies are his by right, he
behaves in the manner of a man who feels his birthright has been stolen,
not a person who tried hard and fell short.

By the time we are young grandparents, like Al Gore, most of us have
learned that real life is a series of opportunities, not a series of
entitlements. Al Gore's pampered and exclusive upbringing, followed by a
string of easy victories -- all on the coattails of his father or Bill
Clinton, failed to give him the opportunity to learn to lose with grace.

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George W. also had an exclusive upbringing. But, he began adult life
in business, not politics, and found that losing in the oilfields is a
realistic possibility. Trying and losing breeds a kind of maturity that
runs deep within the soul.

Home-schooling parents need to be careful to avoid training their
children in entitlement mentality. We are more susceptible to this,
perhaps, because of the historical need we have had to defend the
legitimacy of home schooling. The education establishment, neighbors,
in-laws, and friends have challenged our choice to home school. We
respond by telling everyone how great home schooling is for our kids.
Our children are smarter, happier and have 21 percent fewer cavities.
The problem is that our kids hear this message as well and sometimes
"believe their own press releases."

Our children should know several things. One is that even though
home-school students on average do better than public school students on
average, whether they are above or below these averages is largely up to
their own hard work. And even with hard work, perfection is not likely
to occur every single time. Our children need to learn that they have an
opportunity to do well in academics. They are not entitled to straight
As when they go to college just because they were home schooled -- they
only have an opportunity to succeed.

When they fall short, they should be able to be proud of a strong
effort and recommit themselves to try again. Our response to a good
effort that finishes second will have a great deal to do with their
adult approach -- or lack thereof --later in life.

Michael P. Farris is the founder and general counsel of the

Home
School Legal Defense Association.