Weird medicine, poisonous perfection

Talk about killing ourselves softly!

There's a venerable Buddhist saying, "In the poison is the medicine." Lately that's been interpreted literally, perhaps too literally, with a current medical fad -- chronic pain sufferers, as well as the chronically vain, being injected by doctors with tiny quantities of the deadly toxin for botulism, the great-granddaddy of food poisoning.

Yes, boys and girls, for several years, medication derived from the botulinum toxin has been used to treat writer's cramp, tremors, tics, twitches, eye muscle problems and other conditions marked by muscle spasms. Some plastic surgeons use BOTOX?, as the processed neurotoxin is called, to minimize wrinkles, crow's feet and frown tracks, as well.

Bye-bye, agony. Ciao, wrinkles and lines.

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But why? Can't these people read?

• Botulism, a severe, sometimes fatal food poisoning caused by ingestion of food containing botulin and characterized by nausea, vomiting, disturbed vision, muscular weakness, and fatigue (The American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language).

• Acute, often fatal food poisoning from ingestion of food containing toxins produced by Clostridium botulinum bacteria. Most cases are caused by canned food that has been improperly processed. The disease causes disturbances in vision, speech, and swallowing and, ultimately, paralysis of respiratory muscles, leading to suffocation. Treatment involves the administration of antitoxin as soon as possible after exposure to contaminated food (The Concise Columbia Electronic Encyclopedia).

Despite such proscriptions, plastic surgeons and dermatologists have been using BOTOX? to reduce or eliminate "frown lines" and other misfortunate signs of having lived your life. But that's not all.

How I found out about the BOTOX? explosion was typical: I met a man in an AOL chat-room, who was, like most online men I encounter on the 'Net, unhappily married -- his longtime wife has longtime depression recently complicated by migraines. "But now, the new thing is," he announced, "they shoot her head with BOTOX?, and it actually seems to be helping."

Interesting. Silly me, I thought BOTOX? was a lowly mold? I wonder what's the theory. He thought it deadened the nerves. Little did I know, the deadly substance, classified as a neurotoxin, has, paradoxically, become something of a medical
fad.

"Injected into a localized area and in extremely low concentrations, the potent toxin botulinum A," according to the Alternative Medicine Newsletter, "blunts the nerve endings responsible for muscle spasms. For patients receiving treatment at the Louisiana State University Pain Management Service, researchers found that this therapy significantly decreased patients' muscle pain, increased their range of motion and improved their ability to perform routine activities such as washing and dressing. The medication derived from botulinum has been used for several years to treat writer's cramp, tremors, eye muscle problems and other conditions marked by muscle spasms. The medication is used by some plastic surgeons to minimize wrinkles as well."

"Personally I think it's too hazardous to fool with," says Philadelphia healing activist Pam Ladds. "Why on earth would anyone want to be shot up with something as toxic as that? And I don't care that it is 'natural' as has pointed out to me before!"

Even the official BOTOX? website warns of the following possible complications:

Individuals with peripheral motor neuropathic diseases (e.g., amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, or motor neuropathy) or neuromuscular junctional disorders (e.g., myasthenia gravis or Lambert-Eaton syndrome) should only receive BOTOX? with caution. Patients with neuromuscular disorders may be at increased risk of clinically significant systemic effects including severe dysphagia and respiratory compromise from typical doses of BOTOX?. Published medical literature has reported rare cases of administration of a botulinum toxin to patients with known or unrecognized neuromuscular disorders where the patients have shown extreme sensitivity to the systemic effects of typical clinical doses. In some of these cases, dysphagia has lasted several months and required placement of a gastric feeding tube.

Ack.

Beware, folks. This isn't a simple situation of dangerous substances being used, homeopathically speaking, in miniscule quantities.

"Homeopathically, no problem, the aim is clear to stimulate a response and the dilution is enormous," explains Ladds, who received nursing training in her native Great Britain. "That way," she continues, "there's no 'real' toxin, just the energy from it! I can even justify using the 'real thing' if it is really urgent to stimulate a response of a particular part of the immune system but for cosmetic reasons? Give me a break! It seems like using belladonna or lead, or mercury for cosmetics as women have over the centuries with horrendous results. This is like, well, there may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but it all comes down to using the door."

How true.

And when the Declaration of Independence posited those self-evident truths of "Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness," unfortunately I don't think Thomas Jefferson meant a guarantee of a face wrinkle-free as Sanforized? chinos, either.

Besides, rather than risk the distinctly and unpleasant possibility of botulinum paralysis, I'd prefer to sample that perhaps-fatal if improperly prepared delicacy, fugu -- delicious but deadly, prized but poisonous puffer-fish served in esoteric Japanese-style gourmet dining -- and play gastronomic roulette.

Fugu, anyone?