The new movie, "Bridget Jones' Diary," will probably be a smash hit.
It's the chick flick to which your wives and girlfriends will drag you.
The kind of film to which we've become accustomed -- where all the men
are either cheaters or wimps, liars or mama's boys. "Bridget's" main
male characters are played by Hugh Grant -- heroine Bridget's conniving
boss, who seduces, then dumps her for a more attractive model -- and
Colin Firth -- so wimpy and sensitive that in his 30s he still wears silly,
cartoonish aprons, sweaters, and ties his mother gave him and can't so
much as punch out the man who slept with his bride.
But men portrayed this way are not surprising.
From what we see in the media, you'd think there are no real men left. They've all been
"Oprahfied." You know, the guys who go on Winfrey's daytime talk show
with their wives or girlfriends and tell some total stranger named "Dr.
Phil," Oprah, and the housewives watching across America, about intimate
relationship problems. They might even cry, express resolve to be a
"sensitive guy," and make it all better. What wimps!
Bridget Jones' men are the same we're seeing prominently today in real
life pop culture. Look at the men who date the biggest stars. They must
be the most whipped on the planet.
There's Barbra Streisand's husband, James Brolin. Did you read
Streisand's three-page mandate to congressional Democrats? Imagine the
one she wrote to her husband. He might as well just call himself "Mr.
Barbra Streisand." For all intents and purposes, that's what Brolin's
become -- her trophy husband.
When FOX pre-empted its weekly high-rated serving of "Temptation Island," for low-rated "Yenta Island" -- Streisand's annoying farewell concert -- she proudly introduced Brolin as her latest acquisition. "I finally got the guy," she told the audience. "Isn't he
gorgeous?" Then the spotlight shined on him and his face appeared on
the giant video screen behind her. This is a man? I'm sure he'll be
doing Viagra ads -- real soon.
Ditto for Mr. Julia Roberts, otherwise known as Benjamin Bratt. I
wonder what it must feel like to be a kept man, kept by the woman who
won an Oscar for showing us as much cleavage as possible, and parading
it as a serious environmentalist movie. Remember her statement at a
fund-raiser, that Republican is in the dictionary between reptile and
repugnant? I checked my dictionary, and guess what? Roberts comes
between roach and rodent, Julia between Judas and junk. Bratt, another
"modern, sensitive guy" must enjoy being emasculated by that.
Then there's the boy-toy of the "Oprahfier" herself, Stedman Graham.
Once a proud pro basketball player and sports-marketing executive, he's
now been reduced to being the forever fianc? of Oprah. Oprah, the
woman who tells us how to make our lives, relationships and families
all better. Yet, she can't even close the deal with this "sensitive"
man.
And don't forget Oprah's favorite author/sports writer, Mitch Albom. He
may be a sports writer for the Detroit Free Press, but it's become a
side hobby and he's become the Ally McBeal of sportswriters. He writes
about "sensitive guy" topics, like female high-school basketball players
who've become pregnant. Real sports fans couldn't care less about this
kind of stuff. Guys like him are the reason they invented NFLforher.com
and took the fighting out of hockey ... and the ratings, too.
"Tuesdays With Morrie," his best-seller containing bland lessons that
couldn't be more obvious, has become his sports column. And it's the
context for his wimpy, sensitive-guy radio show, now broadcast on
MSNBC. Casually slid into his show, like all sensitive guys try to do,
are his wimpy, liberal sentiments, like gun control and forgiving every
soccer mom and sensitive guy's idol, Bill Clinton.
This is a real man?
Sorry, the guy's got more in common with the Million Moms than any one
of a million guys. That would explain his majority middle-aged female
listener demographic.
Yes, a la Albom, the wimpy, sensitive guy is generally the liberal guy.
The real man, the masculine guy, is generally the conservative. You
don't see strong guys, like Bush, apologizing to China for a usual
military loss to a communist country, while our boys are held hostage.
No, you see liberal Democrats, like Tom Daschle, Richard Gephardt and
their gun moll, Diane Feinstein, crying over the dead Chinese pilot.
Someone get me my violin.
Bush, a real man, has guts -- like taking the initiative to close down wasteful government operations, such as the White House Office for Women's Initiatives and Outreach, established by that sensitive guy, Clinton, to assess the effects of policies on women.
What about the effects on men of legislation like affirmative action?
If you think men aren't becoming too sensitive and women too dominant on
pop culture and policy, just look at the books topping this week's
non-fiction portion of the best-seller list: "The Wisdom of Menopause,"
"Relationship Rescue" (by Oprah's "Dr. Phil"), "On Her Own Ground,"
"Life Makeovers" and "Girl, Get Your Money Straight." The people who
read these voted for Bill Clinton, and they date "sensitive" guys, if
they aren't those guys themselves. You don't read about men like this
in "Black Hats and White Hats: Heroes and Villains of the West," about
a time when men were men, not "sensitive."
But Hollywood, Ally McBeal, and Oprah have put an end to that -- at least
on the big and small screen. Even formerly macho movie stars have
become feminized, "sensitive guys." Arnold Schwarzenegger refused to
appear with a gun in posters for his recent movie bomb, "The Sixth
Day." And up-and-comers, like actor Jude Law, told TV Guide Online, "It
scared me how easy it is to shoot. ... It's terrifying." What woman
would want this guy to protect her? Not me. What ever happened to real
guys in Hollywood, like John Wayne and Chuck Norris?
As Rush Limbaugh pointed out recently, the excess of sensitive, yet
unreliable men out there is the reason for Paula Cole's hit song, "Where
Have All the Cowboys Gone?" Well, they're not dating Oprah or Barbara
or Julia or Bridget Jones. And they're not in Hollywood. The last ones
left are conservatives. They've gone Republican.