A new verb for George

WASHINGTON — President Bush doesn’t pretend to be an intellectual, and I
like that about him. Intellectually, he’s a meat-and-potatoes kind of guy who
doesn’t dabble in cream sauces or garnish.

There are far too many intellectuals dabbling in cream sauces and garnish in
this town, and they just make a mockery of absolute truths — the meat and
potatoes of public policy. Most of them are just well-spoken idiots anyway.

But let’s face it, Bushies, this president has got to become more articulate.
The top job demands it.

His handlers can help by finding him a new verb, for starters. He’s sounding
like a johnny one-note by “appreciating” everything. And it’s getting harder
and harder to appreciate him appreciating everything.

There is next to nothing that Dubya does not “ap-prec-i-ate.” It’s his
favorite verb, and he relishes saying it, stressing the syllables in a
painfully slow and deliberate way, as if he’s found a new big word, like
“sesquipedalian,” and is showing off his mastery of the phonetics. Or as if
he were singling out the word to hint at some deeper meaning. He uses it in
almost every public forum, from welcoming home Chinese hostages to praising
foreign leaders to fielding questions from the press (as in, “I
appreciate that question,” or “I appreciate you bringing up the
subject”).

Maybe Bush just wants to put a positive spin on things. Is that so bad?

Not at all. In fact, after listening to a polarizing president badmouth just
about everything and everyone for eight years, it’s kind of refreshing to
hear some upbeat language, no matter how corny and redundant.

Only, Bush isn’t relying on the verb “appreciate” just because he’s a happy
hysteric. It’s plain he’s also using it as a verbal crutch.

When he’s not misusing the word, or using it out of context, he’s overusing
it to the extent that it renders statements on critical issues virtually
meaningless.

Take his reaction to Linda Chavez withdrawing as his labor secretary nominee.

“I appreciate her statement,” Bush said.

Huh? What’s that mean, exactly? That he was glad she backed out? That he
respects her decision? That he doesn’t appreciate her, but just her statement?

(On second thought, maybe his handlers actually encourage him to use the
verb, particularly in tight spots. It’s so neutral, so bland, so ambiguous,
you almost can’t go wrong.)

In welcoming home Lt. Shane Osborn, the captain of the downed EP-3
surveillance plane, the commander in chief offered this profound sentiment:
“We appreciate you.”

It’s certainly nice to be appreciated. But there’s something wanting in that
reception, especially coming on the heels of such an emotional international
ordeal. Being at the epicenter of two nuclear powers’ brinkmanship, Osborn
probably expected slightly greater presidential pearls of wisdoms to pass on
to his grandkids.

The morning after the House passed his budget, Bush swaggered into the James
S. Brady briefing room to make an announcement. Members of the White House
press corps held their breath and steadied their mikes and pens …

“I appreciated the vote,” Bush said.

Another stunning, substantive statement from the chief executive.

During the campaign, it was kind of charming when Bush appreciated everything.

“Well, the man loves his wife, and I appreciate that a lot,” he said
of Al Gore, searching for something nice to say about his ruthless, ethically
challenged foe during the first debate. The comment was comical in its
banality. It was tantamount to saying, Well, he’s a warm-blooded mammal, a
biped even, and I appreciate that a lot.”

In the same debate, Bush dodged a tough question on Medicare by saying: “I
really appreciate the intentions of the current system.” Whether he
knows what those intentions are, we don’t know. And whether he agrees with
them, we don’t know that, either.

But it didn’t matter. He reminded us of that loveably lackadaisical school
kid who uses his impish grin to win over his teachers and avoid flunking.
And, perhaps more important, he did not remind us of Bill Clinton, the policy
wonk who was always polishing the teacher’s apple and who wouldn’t shut up.

But the campaign’s over and it’s time for Bush to sound more like a
president. If Clinton was too wordy, Bush isn’t wordy enough.

Next to Mexican President Vicente Fox, who speaks English as a second
language, Bush sounded like the Mayor of Simpleton at a February press
conference.

“I appreciate the fact that he was a one-time governor,” Bush said of
Fox. Deep. Maybe he’s more articulate in Spanish.

Praising Democrats and Republicans who have met with him in the White House
to talk about changing the bitter political tone in Washington, Bush said, “I
appreciate their responsiveness.”

Stop the presses. If he continued, he might have expressed his appreciation
for all the White House employees who showed up for work that day. Or all the
cars that stopped at red lights. Or the earth for rotating on its axis.

Bush might as well have said nothing at all.

And there’s the heart of the problem. Bush is in the habit of saying a whole
lot of nothing.

To win the public-policy arguments on his tax cut and private Social Security
accounts, Bush will have to be more articulate than reciting the “It’s the
people’s money; it’s not the government’s money” mantra.

That sounded good during the campaign. But it’s time to put some flesh on
those bones, Mr. President.

Being more expressive and descriptive (dare I say even philosophical) would
also go a long way toward dispelling the notion — fast gaining currency
among all members, on the right as well as the left, of the White House
press corps — that Dick Cheney is the ventriloquist behind the charming
dummy.

Bush can start by finding substitutes for his catch-all verb, “appreciate,”
which he’s worn out more than his favorite pair of Ropers.