I sent mother-in-law packing

On Christmas Day, I sent my mother-in-law packing.

You think I’m mean? You think I’m a bad son-in-law? You think I have no feelings? You think I’m heartless?

Maybe you don’t understand.

I didn’t kick her out of the house. I love my mother-in-law. She lives next door. She’s a great lady – a good grandmother.

What I mean is this: Elizabeth and I bought her a gun for Christmas.

Now, for some of you out there, this news may be even more shocking than kicking her out or knocking her down a flight of stairs.

But let me explain why giving someone you love a gun is the ultimate demonstration of concern and compassion.

Firearms are great equalizers. An old lady with a little training and a gun is more than a match for some criminal miscreant or predator – no matter how big or scary he might be.

It’s because I want my mother-in-law to live out her natural life safe from such potential attackers that I gave her a gun. Even more than that, I want her to feel safe and secure when neither I nor my better-armed and more deadly shot wife are around to defend hearth and home.

She often watches my kids, too. I can’t imagine allowing an unarmed granny watching our 18-month-old. Unthinkable. Ridiculous. Repugnant.

Now some of you are going to squeal in disbelief: “You mean you allow guns around your children?”

You bet. And as soon as they are physically able to do so, we teach them how to shoot, too. Guns can be great equalizers even for little people.

I can’t believe how squeamish Americans have become about guns. It’s time for a total re-education on the matter of firearms.

It wasn’t that long ago that kids carried their firearms to school so they could belong to gun clubs and participate in competitive shooting. Now, schools are gun-free zones. Are kids any safer in schools? No way. They are at greater risk.

The most dangerous place in America is a gun-free zone, because only law-abiding people will respect the rules that govern it. Therefore, the only armed people, by definition, will be criminals.

It’s so easy to understand. Why are Americans so confused?

Look at merry old England. Well, it’s not so merry any more. Since banning firearms, the murder rate with guns has skyrocketed. Once again, when you outlaw guns, only outlaws have guns.

We can’t let that happen in America – especially after the Sept. 11 wakeup call.

Americans, I believe, have been under the mistaken impression that their government would protect them from foreign and domestic enemies of all kinds. Now we know that isn’t true.

What the government does is respond to the heinous acts of foreign and domestic enemies. It doesn’t prevent their attacks. It merely counterattacks – sometimes, maybe, if it feels like it, if the evidence is solid enough to warrant it, if the victim is alive to testify in court, if, if, if, if, if …

Only a well-armed citizenry is an effective countermeasure to deter crime and other threats on our life and liberty. There’s no substitute. None. Zip. Zilch. Nada.

And it’s most important to arm the weak, the defenseless, the vulnerable, the likely victims. Most guys I know like guns. Most women don’t. Guess what? Women need them more.

For some of you, I’m preaching to the choir. You know more about guns than I do. You’re angry because the government is making it more difficult to get the guns you want and feel you need. You sense it’s only a matter of time before Big Brother comes knocking on your door to collect them.

Well, don’t sit back and wait for it to happen. And don’t count on the effectiveness of writing letters of protest to your gutless member of Congress. Instead, take action. Arm yourselves while you can. Give the gun industry its biggest boost ever. Buy guns for your friends and your neighbors and your loved ones. Stimulate the firearms economy. Start an arms buildup right here in America. And watch the crime rate drop before our eyes.

There’s a side benefit, too. The more Americans who are packing heat, the more difficult and unpopular it will be for the government to grab the guns.

And don’t forget your mother-in-law.