Be a quitter.
That’s right. If you’re a mother with young children who also works outside the home for more than a few hours a day, but you have a husband that works, you should quit your job.
Although my message is not politically correct and probably sounds “sexist,” “judgmental” and “preachy,” my purpose is not to condemn those who must work, but to challenge modern thought with a concept as basic to child-rearing as a healthy diet: Quitting the rat-race and the race with “the Joneses” is crucial to helping your children win as members of the human race.
“I work because I have to,” is the common initial response I get when I suggest that moms be quitters. “We need the money!”
Perhaps it’s time to define “need.”
Do you really “need” an SUV, a bigger house, or a second or third television? Do your kids really “need” the latest Nintendo, name-brand clothes or fanciest scooter?
Allow me to suggest something radical: What your children truly need is you. And, if given a choice between a new car or more time with mommy, mom would win hands down.
A toddler doesn’t know or care if they have two pairs of shoes or five. A young child doesn’t understand the difference between a Navigator and a Neon. Do you think an 8-year-old even knows who Calvin Klein is? If she does, then you definitely need to quit.
It’s time to ask yourself what you’re really buying, and why. Have you ever stopped to evaluate not just what you pay in dollars and cents for “things,” but what you pay in time lost with your family?
There can be no doubt that the modern American family is in distress. With the pressures of dual careers, oftentimes no one is keeping the home fires burning. What families gained with an additional provider, they paid for with a loss of nurturing.
Gone are the leisurely family dinners and the important conversation that went with them. Children learn more from television, public influences and transient adult relationships than they do from their own parents. Spending less time each day with their moms, and more time with an endless flow of randomly-assigned teachers and “care givers” has left children of all ages hungry for the richness and depth of a fully developed mother-child relationship. Family members are like ships that pass in the night, often becoming lost in the fog of life only to crash on the reef of loneliness and divorce. Everyone suffers, and the children suffer most.
Women have made – and should continue to make – great contributions to the fields of business, science and education. I’m not advocating that these roles be abandoned. I’m advocating that they be partially set aside for a season. Women are particularly blessed with a life cycle that is composed of seasons. “To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven” is a biblical truth from Ecclesiastes, chapter 3, that applies to all of life, and the evidence of this precept for women is quite obvious for all who care to see. When you experience the miracle and blessing of childbirth, when a hungry, helpless baby is placed in your arms, when this most precious and dependent of human beings is entrusted to your care, the season for mothering has clearly arrived.
Just as Spring, with all its beauty and promise is fleeting, so are the days of youth. Your children will be young only once, and oh, so briefly. Every hour away is an hour lost forever.
Don’t buy the lie that “It’s quality time, not quantity that counts.” This is not an “either-or” situation. Children truly need and deserve both. Someone is going to be pouring their habits, values and emotions into your children. That someone should be you. Whatever financial sacrifices your family must make to enable you to raise your own children will be well worth the joy and memories for both you and your child – joy and memories that can’t be bought.
Be creative in your quest for the “extra” income you want for life’s little extras. Sell something – Avon , Tupperware, whatever. Start a home-based business. Write a novel. If you’re a professional, try to become a consultant. Find a part-time job. Do anything you can to get ahead … not in your career, but in your role as mom. Fight the system to be with your children. Think outside the box.
Make it your life’s mission to be the mommy your children were born for you to be.