Reviews of this year’s political Christmas specials

By Doug Powers

“The Yule Bin”

Al and Tipper Gore star as themselves in this romantic comedy on the “Rigor Mortis Channel” about two lovebirds who wrote a book about their special relationship, and now await customers in futility at a signing in a Carthage bookstore. As the pair sit around their books, which lay untouched in the “80 percent off” bargain tub next to the latest Doris Kearns Goodwin tomes, “Moby Dick” and “Gone With The Wind,” they discover the true meaning of Christmas, renew their vows, and make out whenever they see a television camera.

Legal issues add to the drama after Al and Tipper hire David Boies (convincingly played by “Fox & Friends” morning host Steve Doocy) to force somebody to buy the book. Boies tries to obtain a court order to force the store to throw out every other book except the Gores’. The film also features a hilarious cameo by Bill Daley, who plays a second-generation crooked mall Santa.

“Homo Lone”

What happens when Barney Frank wakes up on Christmas morning, only to discover that his live-in male prostitution ring has gone on vacation without him, leaving him in the apartment all by himself? Turn on “The Garland Network” and experience the wacky misadventures of a gay congressman who’s all alone in the big city. Nathan Lane stars in a laugh-out-loud portrayal of Barney Frank, who along the way befriends his co-stars, the Muppets (the Grouch in particular). It’s Oscar time, and I don’t mean the award.

“The Senator Who Stole Talk Radio”

In this “Monotone Channel” presentation, the mean, old, “green with envy” senator looks down on the residents of GOPville from on high every day and winces as they turn on talk radio and have their heads filled with intolerable conversation of lower taxes and less government. The senator is so threatened by such lies that, on Christmas Eve, he straps deer horns on the head of a dog that eerily resembles Dick Gephardt, makes him pull his limo into GOPville, enters each house, and steals their radios. “I’ve got to keep talk radio from being listened to” is the repeated mantra.

As the senator sits proudly atop a pile of stolen radios, he cracks an evil grin, for he knows that the minions can no longer be influenced by talk hosts. Then on Christmas morning, he witnesses something unexplainable. The citizens of GOPville, with no talk radio, gather in the town square and … and … continue to talk about lower taxes and less government!

The senator discovers that true convictions don’t come in a box with an antenna, and his brain grows three sizes that day. “The Senator Who Stole Talk Radio” is the first animated release to be fittingly drawn entirely with red ink, and is a wonderful lesson for obstructionists of all ages.

“Jerry Falwell Saves Christmas”

Set in Bethlehem over 2,000 years ago, this “GOD-TV” movie depicts the frustrations faced by the Reverend Falwell, as he stands outside the manger containing a pregnant Mother Mary, and tries to fend off a visit from Planned Parenthood consultants. Jerry Falwell, depicted in an over-the-top performance by Charles Durning, knows that, if he fails, there will be no Christmas. The producers have obviously taken some creative license (one of the “wise men” is played by Melissa Etheridge), but all in all, it’s a watchable, informative film.

“Hanukkah Hillary Teaches Kids About Jewish Stuff”

Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton hosts this somewhat informative special which seeks to educate the young and gentile, while at the same time gain votes in New York’s Jewish communities. In this special on the “Carpetbagger Superstation,” Sen. Clinton teaches a group of children that, more than 2,000 years ago, the land of Judea was ruled by Antiochus, a tyrannical Syrian king with a serious bug up his tuchus. Antiochus forbade the Jews from observing the Sabbath or studying the Torah. Many Jews followed his laws, because they had no choice, and those who resisted were executed. By the end of Hillary’s lesson, the kids are happy to learn that this injustice was brought to an end by the Clinton administration.

The humor is somewhat questionable, such as Sen. Clinton’s “ignorance is briss” comment, and the awkward silence amongst a roomful of rabbis after she asked them, “how come more Jews don’t play football?” Look for an Emmy to go to the costume designer for “Hanukkah Hillary,” who was faced with the daunting challenge of finding a skirt that effectively hid the senator’s calves.

I hope these reviews were of assistance to you. Be sure to check the political holiday special reviews page for more as they become available.