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This is the first of a series of occasional columns I will write ripping to shreds every single Democratic candidate for president.

Why just the Democrats? Because they are all evil. They are all rotten to the core. They are all miscreants not even deserving citizenship in our great country, let alone the privilege and honor of serving as president of the United States.

They are liars – one and all. They are thieves. They want to steal more of your money. They want to steal more of your freedom. They want to steal your country away from you.

They are moral reprobates. They would sell their souls to gain the White House if any of them had one.

I say this not as a Republican. I am not a Republican. I am registered to no political party. I did not vote for President Bush in 2000 and I am not at all persuaded to vote for him in 2004. I’ll probably have a few choice words to say about his ill-conceived domestic and foreign policies between now and then.

But let’s not kid ourselves. He’s head and shoulders above his predecessor and any of the donkeys seeking to replace him from the party of jackasses.

So here goes. Here’s my first swipe.

As the author of “Taking America Back,” I’d like to set the record straight about a politician who just threw his hat into the ring for the presidential nomination.

Former Florida Gov. Bob Graham launched his presidential campaign this week promising to “bring America back.”

Sound familiar?

Who is this fake, phony fraud trying to hijack my words?

Any similarity between this politician’s catchphrase and mine is purely exploitative. Here’s what Graham stands for:

  • As governor, between 1978 and 1986 he increased taxes each year and nearly doubled the state’s spending.

  • His mismanagement of Florida’s prisons brought them to the brink of a mass-release.

  • His inability to make decisions earned him the nickname “Governor Jello.”

  • He voted four times to oppose bans on partial-birth abortions – which most Americans recognize as infanticide.

  • In 2002, the National Abortion Rights Action League gave him a perfect score for his votes.

  • He received a 100 percent rating from the Americans for Democratic Action.

  • As a U.S. senator he supported the largest tax increase in U.S. history in 1993.

  • He voted to reduce President Bush’s puny tax cut.

  • Citizens Against Government Waste gave him a lifetime rating of 25 out of a possible 100.

  • He voted against eliminating the “death tax” and the “marriage tax.”

  • He voted to rob Social Security of $338.7 billion in seven budgets.

  • Graham supported President George H.W. Bush’s halfway war on Iraq, supported President Clinton’s senseless bombing of the country and opposed President George W. Bush’s decisive campaign to overthrow Saddam Hussein.

This is the kind of politician we want to take America back from – not the kind of “leader” we want to follow into the future.

Graham says he wants to “bring America back – back to the values of our past and the promise of our future.” Does this guy sound like someone who believes in the values of the past? Does he seem like he understands the promise of the future?

Interestingly, the press is hailing him as a “centrist” candidate in his party. Is this the record of a centrist? Perhaps by his party’s standards.

He has perhaps my favorite campaign gimmick: He has what he calls “workdays” in which he does the job of “an ordinary person” for a day to learn about their concerns.

An ordinary person? What does he think he is? Immortal? Master of the universe? Extraordinary? Lord?

After his big announcement, this clown was headed to New Hampshire, site of the first presidential primary next January, to work as a teacher for the day. So be warned, New Hampshirites. Hide the kids tomorrow.

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