We last spoke before his remarriage, “Rio” and I, during his “dedicated, divorced dad” days, and he was deeply distressed.
This is what he told me: “I had a funny but slightly sad conversation with a buddy of mine. He told me women asked him about me, if I’m available, and he tells them ‘Yeah.’ But then when they find out I’m such a dedicated dad, they write me off the list … Seems the thought process is that they won’t feel included and won’t be able to steer the household in the direction they envision. Ugh.”
Ugh, indeed.
My response to his predicament was not what you might expect.
Personally, I replied, I admire the idea of a dedicated dad. In fact, I get weak in the knees when I see photographs or ads with men /babies /children, or men /dogs. Go figure.
If he – as a man and a dad – has a strong fathering thing going, that is so great, for him, and for his kids, I said. I would suspect that’s really rare and unusual. At least it is in trendy urban circles.
I’m turned off by men who are merely “sperm donors” as disinvolved parents, rather than participatory fathers, even in ongoing marriages, when parents aren’t divorced.
A fellow I used to date had all kinds of jealousy and competition problems with the woman who would eventually become his second or third ex-wife, because she was so close to her baby he felt excluded. In therapy terms, I guess he was experiencing the situation as if he were another child displaced or excluded by her love for her infant.
If a woman is fully individuated and in balance emotionally, I believe she will adore and appreciate him for the great father he is. That can only strengthen a family and enrich his children.
I told Rio all this. And then I encouraged him: Never falter.
The “never falter” part made Rio especially ecstatic. “Today is my birthday,” he said, “and I’ll carry your statement in my heart. Thank you. I’ll feel 10 feet tall.”
Recently, I heard “Rio” remarried. Hopefully he’s happy experiencing the joys of fatherhood with a woman who appreciates his efforts.
But for those fellas not thrilled at the prospect of parenting and family life, there may be an impending solution looming on the scientific horizon.
It may have slipped under your personal radar. But recently Reuters reported FDA approval of a 99.6 percent-effective sterilization drug named Neutersol, consisting of zinc gluconate neutralized by the amino acid arginine – for use in dogs – replacing surgical castration with chemical injections into the testicles of male puppies three to 10 months of age, during a brief sedation procedure which does not require general anesthesia.
Hey, why not adapt this for guys? That’s right, humans! Easier than a condom. More powerful than the locomotive of lust. It’s the ingenuity of modern medical science, applied to one of the most divisive issues of our time! This could actually mean – are you ready, dueling pro-lifers and pro-choicers – an end to abortion. Finally!
That’s right. The Abortion Wars could be over. A safe and simple cessation to the pro-life vs. pro-choice, con-pro-life vs. con-pro-choice contretemps. And someday soon. If, that is, science takes my suggestion.
Just think about it.
As for Father’s Day, here are some “Net denizens” wonderfully poignant childhood memories of their papas.
- GuruJokes: At bedtime, my dad would make me raise my right hand and take the Oath of the Blue-Nosed Gopher.
- SliceOfLife: My TV dad was better than my real one.
- CypherChaz: I can’t remember it all, but my dad taught us, “Now I lay me down to sleep … a bag of peanuts at my feet …”
- MyLastDuchess: My father wrote me a poem: Dad’s out, don’t pout. You’re in bed, animals fed. Golf at eight, back by noon. Eat your cereal with a spoon.
