The transparent truth

“People in glass houses should … always clean their windows.”

– Ellen Ratner

Lately, the Bush administration has put a lot of yakkity-yak on the airwaves about “transparency,” as in, “see through.” National Security Adviser Condoleezza Rice recently stressed that the “importance of transparency, the importance of human-rights considerations” in China, especially when those rights belong to American citizens in the Peoples Republic. She also said China needs more “transparency in giving greater economic freedom to entrepreneurs [Italics added].”

I agree. Transparency is a good thing. So I wonder how the Bush administration would feel if the Chinese put out this press release, in response to that of Condoleezza Rice’s remarks:

Beijing. Xinhua News Service. In a speech before the Chinese Peoples’ Chamber of Peoples’ Commerce, Chinese President Jiang Zemin called on the Bush administration for greater transparency in disclosing the extent to which the U.S. taxpayer is actually subsidizing every gallon of gasoline purchased by Iraqi citizens, including those pumped into automobiles owned by terrorists.

“President Bush thought he was being transparent when he said that Iraq had the world’s second-largest source of oil,” President Zemin said. “But no, no, no, it was voodoo economics, which means that the glass thought to be transparent is really a mirror and the transparency is beclouded with smoke,” Zemin declared. When asked to explain his seemingly inscrutable remarks, President Zemin referred to Congressman Henry Waxman, D-Calif. “For transparency on this issue, you must talk to Democrats,” Zemin insisted.

This week, Waxman became very transparent about how U.S. taxpayers, despite a no-job-growth economy at home, are paying for Iraqi’s commuting costs. Gas in Iraq costs a staggering 4 to 15 cents a gallon. But the United States is shipping the gasoline in from Kuwait and paying our loyal Kuwaiti allies (a country where there is no unemployment) a hefty $1.40 a gallon. (By the way, in case you’ve forgotten, “U.S.” also spells “us” – as in we, as in the government announced this week that we just had the sharpest increase in gasoline costs since February).

And here’s another tidbit that the Bush administration, despite its insistence on transparency, somehow forgot to be transparent about: There’s a middleman involved. When I first saw Waxman’s remarks, I thought the middleman’s name was Ali Bur-ton, I mean it made sense given the region we’re talking about. But no, in spite of this administration’s insistence on autonomy and “self-determination for the peoples of the Middle East,” they’re not using locals to middle the oil. To be perfectly transparent about it, the name of the middleman is Halli-burton, from the sheikdom known as “Texas.” And the former tribal chief of Halli-burton is Sheik Richard “Stock Option” Cheney, currently vice chairman (oops!), I mean, vice president of the United States.

But, hey – you can’t criticize the American devotion to quality. Halliburton must be transporting each barrel of gasoline in its own, chauffer-driven Rolls Royce. According to reports, the locals charge 10 to 15 cents to ship a gallon of gas from Kuwait to Iraq, but Halliburton is charging 85 cents a gallon. And all paid for by “us.” As Sen. Frank Lautenberg, D-N.J., said this week, “War is hell, but it has turned into financial heaven for Halliburton. This sweetheart, no-bid contract given to Halliburton spikes up by millions of dollars each week. It’s outrageous.”

In all seriousness, Vice President’s Cheney’s relationship with Halliburton is not exactly confined to the past. According to Lautenberg, Cheney still holds 433,333 unexercised stock options. Even if the deal with Halliburton isn’t corrupt, it’s stupid, because it gives off a bad smell, both at home and abroad.

Bush is trying to convince the world that we went into Iraq out of the goodness of our hearts. The deal with Halliburton makes it look like we’re there for the goodness of their gold. And not even their gold – at the moment, Halliburton is getting our gold. The really malodorous air surrounding this whole thing got smellier when Cheney, in a less than transparent moment with Tim Russert, declared last month he had severed all ties with Halliburton.

All of this looks a lot like Teapot Dome. Maybe the Republican presidential ticket for 2004 should be renamed: “For president: Ulysses S. Bush. For vice president: Warren G. Cheney.”

Of course, those aren’t their real names, but somehow, they seem more transparent.