People often ask me if, after 29 years of broadcasting I am ever surprised by anything I hear. Sadly, the answer is no … and yes. No, I am no longer surprised at the insensitivity, cruelty, selfishness, cowardice, moral vacuousness or bad judgment that people exhibit. What does surprise me, however, is how common and everyday it is all becoming, and how there is little awareness by folks that their behaviors are wrong, bad, immoral or outrageous, and that there is little outrage or negative judgment from family, friends and society in general. This is not a good development.
One of the most horrible examples of this degeneration of American culture came across my fax machine in the middle of one of my daily radio broadcasts.
“Family sues day care after son suffers burns” read the headline in The Arizona Republic, Friday, May 21, 2004. The story is gruesome. The parents filed a lawsuit against an expensive, elite day-care company after their almost 1-year-old son suffered severe burns last June when he was left alone outside on a dark, playground surface.
Evidently, this baby was left outside for about five minutes before a day-care worker remembered he was outside. According to the complaint, this little boy’s hands and knees were so severely burned that the skin was dripping off.
The little boy has recovered … from his burns. Do you want to know where he is today? In another day-care. Can you believe this? Honestly, I can’t believe any human parent would do anything other than cling tightly to their child after a horrible incident like this. I can’t believe any human parent could stand their child being in the care of anyone but themselves after this magnitude of a wake-up call.
After my on-air rant-and-rave about the parents’ behavior, I received many responses. Here are just two typical letters:
“I just heard your report on the child at the day-care center that had his knees and hands burned due to the carelessness of the day-care workers who left him out on the hot asphalt. To me, the fault lies ultimately with the parents of this child for putting him into a situation like this in the first place. Placing him in day care in the first place is a KNOWING and WILLING act to put that child in the hands of people who do not have the VESTED INTEREST in the child’s safety, growth and health.
“When it all comes down to it, the most important part of it all is that my daughter is learning that family is more important than career or income. I am sure that when she grows up she will carry the FAMILY VALUES we are instilling in her when she has children of her own.” (Jared Mark, Omaha, Neb.)
The next is from Sarah, who is an infant caregiver in an Orange County, Calif., day-care center:
“Every day I get out of bed half dreading the day and half craving it. Dreading it because of the so-called ‘liberal-minded’ parents who say they are doing the best thing ‘socially’ for their children by placing them in institutionalized care at the tender age of 6 weeks through 5 years. I’m tired of being reminded by my superiors that we are on a ‘team’ with these parents, merely ‘assisting’ them in the growth and development of their children. I feel that I am raising their children for and instead of them. I spend more time with their children than they do!
“I crave going to work because I love those babies. I love taking care of them. I love being the loving positive influence in their young worlds. But it crushes me to know that they aren’t getting what they truly need – their mothers. I want the best for them, and there is nothing better than a mommy.”
For me, it is one of the unfathomable and great horrors that so many women think that:
- They are being good mommies when they are not even with their children 10 hours a day;
- Hired help is an adequate replacement for a loving mother’s arms, voice, love, time;
- It is more important that the children meet the parent’s needs for a cheerleader (“Mom, I’m proud of your work!”) than have their own needs met for attention, affection, approval, nurturance, discipline, moral training, bonding from a mommy;
- Their guilt for not attending to their own children is something to be overcome and not a message of wrong-doing suggesting a change in lifestyle;
- “Power” and “things” are of greater merit than mother, wife, housekeeper.
I recommend two books for your attention:
- “7 Myths of Working Mothers,” by Suzanne Venker
- “Stupid Things Parents Do To Mess Up Their Kids,” by Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Take these two books to heart and then write me in the morning: Fax 818-461-5140.
