Homeschool or die!

“An Iraqi man with suspected links to terrorism had a computer disk containing crisis planning information for San Diego and other school districts when he was arrested by U.S. authorities in Iraq, 10News reported. The man’s intentions were not known, and there was no indication that schools in San Diego or any other district were targets for terrorism, according to San Diego law enforcement officials …

‘The clear message is that your children are safe and our schools are very well prepared, as well as our school district,’ San Diego School District Police Chief Don Braun said.”

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One can only assume that this police chief was educated in the San Diego public schools himself. To conclude that the clear message of this news is that the children of the San Diego public schools are safe brings to mind the thought that you’ll probably be able to score some excellent ganja in the San Diego School District as long as this cretin is in command.

Now, some might say that this headline is a little … exaggerated. And perhaps it’s not entirely fair to scare parents into pulling their kids right out of the public schools, as it seems unlikely that Islamic terrorists will be able to commit massacres at more than two or three schools, probably five at most. Then again, if one considers how TV shows such as “Law and Order” see fit to preach that homeschooled children are malnourished and abused little freaks, it seems only reasonable to point out in like manner that public schooled children are brainwashed, quasi-illiterate savages, with targets painted on their chests to boot.

In fact, when one considers the Breslan massacre, the two Israeli children murdered in Sderot and the 35 Iraqi children killed in South Baghdad last week, the sad fact is that my sensationalistic characterization is likely more accurate. The terrorists have raised the stakes once again, targeting children to demonstrate how much they envy our freedom or whatever highly implausible motivation the Bush administration is imputing to the enemy today. I have to confess I haven’t been keeping up with the president’s tiptoeing around the strange and surely coincidental number of co-religionists of Peace who have unaccountably devoted themselves to murdering children.

One disturbingly familiar element to this story is the assertion that parents need not trouble their pretty little heads about Islamic terrorists bent on recreating Breslan in the suburbs.

The arrest was reported to the San Diego FBI office and the San Diego Unified School District last week. Parents and schools were not informed because it was determined there was not a threat.

I’ve never quite been able to wrap my mind around the notion that parents should not be notified that their children are being taught how to perform oral sex or are seeking to kill off the next generation. But the San Diego Unified School District has lowered the concept of in loco parentis insciens to new depths. I mean, you’d think that even the worst and most indifferent parent in the nation might like to know if his child is being targeted by suicide bombers, if only to take out an insurance policy.

I’m just curious to know what the FBI has concluded that an Iraqi man was doing with the information in the first place, given that it is so sure that the thought of attacking a school had not even begun to consider the merest possibility of thinking about the prospect of crossing the man’s mind. Perhaps it was an innocent coincidence, the gentleman simply happens to be in charge of crisis planning for the local madrassah and only wanted to be sure that its emergency plans were up to date and in line with those belonging to schools run by the Great Satan.

In any event, if advanced academic achievement and avoiding social Darwinist socialization isn’t enough for you to keep your child off the Yellow Bus of Doom, perhaps the idea of massacre avoidance will hold some appeal. Or perhaps not. After all, it’s surely safe to assume that it can’t possibly happen here.