During that rather revelatory first debate between oh-so-presidential-and-dignified John Kerry and neither-presidential-nor-dignified George W. Bush, the formerly “catastrophically successful” DUH-Be-Ya was so drastically dreadful that one pitiless AOL wag dubbed Dubs “Chimp-in-Chief.”
Admittedly, I was surprised how way-awful the Bushling was. The canned, repetitious, rote responses. The squinched face, as if waiting hopelessly for the dagnabbed static in his bleepin’ ear-piece to subside so Dick or Karl or – shudder– even his Daddy could pony up the correct answers.
Our Stepford President.
And don’t defend Bush-Wah’s crappy performance because he was plumb tuckered out from comforting hurricane victims. That won’t wash with me.
Our Manchurian Candidate.
In the spirit of inclusion – giving voice to the voiceless – here’s an array of populist reactions from Internet chat-room denizens, identities protected to preserve privacy:
“[You feel] Bush’s years of cocaine and alcohol abuse and his preferment into top spots in bogus oil companies outweighs Kerry’s impressive Senate record?”
“I’ve noticed one thing all Bush supporters share– abject stupidity, ignorance, unbelievable arrogance.”
“AWOL Bush, lost without the prompter.”
“Bush’s a loser.”
“Everyone here saying ‘Bye-bye Bush’ needs to stop by the Limbaugh Lovers chat on the way out, and look at the moronic masses with nothing better to do than extend the status quo by voting pro-GOP.”
“Vote, don’t [gripe].”
“Hope Kerry finishes him off next week.”
“[Kerry’s] presidential material.”
“Bush, running on being this swaggering macho guy, looked pathetic, and seemed not to want it.”
“Well, he is the President.”
“A little bully.”
“Bush looked drugged and annoyed.”
“Yeah, he did.”
“I noticed that also.”
“The last thing our troops need is someone around who doesn’t want to be there.”
“Finally the public saw what many of already knew – Bush needs to be out of office.”
“Bush? Alfred E. Neuman for president!”
“I believe Kerry will [win]. Carville got Bush’s Achille’s heel.”
“Maybe Bush can be sent to Alabama National Guard.”
“He’ll have to take his physical this time though – flush the coke down the toilet.”
“Well, don’t be mad at me when 57 percent to 63 percent of everyone else in the USA and the Electoral College as well votes for Bush – I’m just a messenger.”
“Even Sean Hannity thought Bush was a failure last night.”
“The mainstream media’s owned by Republicans.”
“Bush sounded like a broken record going over the same thing time and again.”
“Kerry was playing chess. Bush played checkers. Or maybe dice.”
“Bush is just as Ivy League as Kerry. Minus the education part.”
“Kerry’s a man I respect. I’ve been following his career for almost 10 years.”
“Do you think anybody was influenced by last night’s debate? If so, I’m taking bids on the Triborough Bridge. People don’t vote on issues, they vote for charisma.”
“It’s the most important election in my life-time. I’m 52.”
“Carville’s a political genius, able to smell blood in the water and lock on the direction.”
“They locked on Bush. What Carville told Kerry is don’t answer Bush’s repetitions, and go to his world, drag him to your intellectual world, and he shall be lost. Bush fell for it. Did you see how he begged to retort?”
“In the polls – for what they’re worth – Kerry picked up two-thirds of the undecideds.”
“You can’t bring a knife to a gunfight. Brains count in this game, or at least used to.”
“Bush’s handlers could not cover all possibilities.”
“Bush was finished when he started ad-libbing.”
“If Bush’s re-elected, we all ought to bust the economy real fast. Nobody pay bills. Nobody go to work. Let’s all camp out on our lawns. Eat our pets. Things like that. Impose our own kind of revolt [sanctions].”
“My bird would be no more than a couple bites.”
“Well, we could round up a few cats.”
“Easier to rally people to vote for Kerry than do that.”
“The vote Bush depends mostly upon is the Midwestern-Southern vote – evangelical fundamentalist Christians who take the Bible literally and connect to biblical imagery of Israel. Therefore, Bush plays up to that segment of the population.”
“True enough, and it works.”
“I need a different plan.”
“Kerry’s at least a better choice than Bush.”
“Kerry dug deep into the intellectual bag, and flustered Bush.”
“Reasons to live: Bush on a bus back to Crawford , Texas.”
“Kerry made a good comeback.”
“Hope SNL pastes Bush …”
“And the coup de grace was when Kerry mentioned Bush senior did not approve of Bush junior. Bush crumbled.”
“Yes, Kerry said Bush’s daddy even wrote it in his book – I about fell off the sofa. It was GREAT!”
“Bush couldn’t think any more after that one.”
“Kerry’s also known as a come-from-behind finisher. This thing’s far from through.”
“Bush’s not for us, only for the war.”
“How could we have a president who’s for only his own vengeance and says he does it for America?”
“Bush owns America.”
“Not for long.”
“Or at least his late grandfather did.”
“I’m an American and we don’t move when we don’t like what our leaders are doing. We vote them out.”
