The Canadian Immigration Ministry is saying that Internet traffic from the United States shot up to six times normal the day after George W. Bush was elected president, and visits to the site are still far higher than normal. The increase in site traffic is perhaps partly due to disenchanted liberals seeking icy respite from a president they can’t stand. Could we get so lucky? Doubtful.

There’s a good chance that a high percentage of the increase was contributed to by Republicans logging on, like sufferers of scorching migraines in search of aspirin, in hopes that the Ministry posted a list of names that included activist actors leaving the United States. Even if they did, we know that many people who always threaten to leave, would, sadly, never be on that list.

Since George W. Bush took office, the percentage of celebrities threatening to leave the country has increased dramatically. Unfortunately, the percentage actually leaving hasn’t budged.

“Leaving the country” is thrown around by the liberal elite as if it’s supposed to carry some sort of weight in an election, as if we’ll stand in the polling booth and say to ourselves, “I was going to vote for Bush, but I really don’t want Cher to move to Italy.” In the last two elections, threats by all sorts of whiffle-brained Left Coast actors to go into permanent exile have been answered by the public with a loud and clear: “Who cares?”

In 2000, Alec Baldwin allegedly said he’d leave the country if Bush were elected. Baldwin never did leave the country, but his wife at the time, Kim Basinger, must have been horrendously confused by Alec’s promise, because when she heard that Bush was elected, she left Baldwin.

This year, Robert Redford said he’d consider moving permanently to his home in Ireland if Bush were elected. He’s still here as well. “The Horse Whisperer” muttered a false promise to his steed, not to mention the rest of America.

A few years back, Tom Cruise cited the terrorism threat, crime, faltering financial status and corporate corruption as reasons he may move permanently to Australia. Cruise made over a hundred million bucks in a business that charges so much for admission that you have to sell a kidney in order to take your family to a flick and get popcorn, and the potentially Australia-bound Cruise had the brass dingos to talk about “corporate corruption”?

Then there are those actors who take part in some of the trash that passes for movies, make fortunes from them, and then voice disenchantment with our culture. This behavior is akin to dealing drugs: Peddle dope without worrying about the damage you might be doing, and pretty soon you can afford to move your family out of that nasty drug-infested neighborhood. After all, that’s no place to raise children.

Madonna figured that out years ago. She spent the majority of her career as the Mecca for aspiring skanks and two-bit perverts everywhere, teaching our kids that nothing is sacred, anonymous sex is great, and cone bras on gay men are wonderful accessories. Then, after having her own kids, she moved to England to develop good manners and escape an immoral nation. Wisely, Madonna would take no part in raising her children in a country whose youth spent their formative years under the lewd tutelage of their own mother.

Some do leave, but most end up staying. Why? The United States is where the real money is. What keeps leftist celebs here is the proximity to all the cash combined with the unspoken knowledge that, if they move to a country that implements policy based on the ludicrous advice of politically and socially active leftists, they may suffer the disastrous misfortune of being stuck in a country that is dumb enough to practice what they preach.

The pool of discontented Hollywood liberals is overflowing, but not yet developing enough of a current to carry the unhappy driftwood permanently downstream. What might make a difference is if we could give them a real scare. Perhaps using their own claims against them could push them completely over the edge. For example, the radical Hollywood bunch always says that George W. Bush “stole” the 2000 election and was an illegitimate president. If that’s the case, then this coming January, he’ll be inaugurated to only his first term, and so he’ll be able to run again in 2008.

That is a ridiculous proposal, of course, but to those who are themselves ridiculous, it may seem frighteningly logical. Brace yourself, Canada.

Author’s note: I’ve recently begun depleting the ozone layer of the blogosphere. Visit my new web log for daily thoughts and responses to some select mail from readers.

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