Banker Bono – or Malo?

Editor's note: Michael Ackley's columns may include satire and parody based on current events, and thus mix fact with fiction. He assumes informed readers will be able to tell which is which.

The wires and the Internet are abuzz over the idea that U2 star Bono might be the next president of the World Bank.

Although this falls in the "don't-hold-your-breath" category, it's a nomination seconded by the Los Angeles Times because of the U2 front man's "effective lobbying on behalf of African development" and the fact he is "deeply versed in the issues afflicting the least-developed nations of the world."

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However, the editorial glosses over that U2 video in which Bono exclaims, "Uno! Dos! Tres! Catorce! (Does the singer really believe three is followed by 14?) But the editors think his lack of formal education is balanced by his "eloquence and passion," the fact "he'd have plenty of real economists around the bank to consult" (in case he needs to count anything) and that he'd be good at mobilizing public opinion "in favor of getting rich nations to abide by their commitments to development aid ..."

Having a rock star whose childhood nickname was "The Antichrist" running the World Bank has a certain whimsical appeal. After all, the bank may not be exactly Satanic, but it certainly is related to Mammon.

Our whimsy bone also is tickled by the fact that a U2 website tells us Bono has "a full appreciation for the Brechtian and surrealist origins of rock performance." One assumes this would apply to rock performances to raise money for African famine relief, with disbursement of said funds funneling through the despots who caused the famine in the first place.

Bono has called James Wolfensohn, the man the Times would have him replace, "the Elvis of economics." This must be distressing to Alan Greenspan, who might have to settle for being economics' Buddy Holly or, perhaps, Jerry Lee Lewis. It also seems mildly insulting to Wolfensohn, who probably would have preferred to be called the Chuck Berry of economics, clearly a musician and rock-and-roll pioneer superior to "The King."

The Times noted tangentially that the World Bank's top job "traditionally goes to an American – a tradition that deserves to be broken, even if not in favor of the Irish rock star." This is not explained further in the editorial, but probably may be ascribed to good, ol' liberal American self-hatred.

If you didn't have reason enough to suspect the Hollywood left-teachers' union drive to institute universal, publicly financed preschool, add the recent endorsement by McClatchy Newspapers. The caring folks at this California-based media chain never met a social-engineering project they didn't love. Remember, universal preschool is the dream child of folks who believe the sooner you get kids away from parental influence and into government-financed indoctrination programs, the better ...

We've noted that a GPS tracking system (ostensibly for a mileage tax) could log your automobile's mileage and the places you drove it, but a reader points out that by recording time as well as place, it would enable government bloodhounds to calculate your speed, too. Thus, you could be receiving a letter from the Highway Patrol, in the mail informing you that "your average speed on a trip from Podunk to Pottsville was two miles per hour over the limit. Please remit $200 and provide evidence you have successfully completed traffic school" ...

Rescued – and wounded – Italian journalist Giuliana Sgrena says she can't rule out the idea that she was the target of a "hit" by American soldiers, noting that the United States opposes negotiations with hostage-takers and that she writes for a communist newspaper that opposes U.S. policy in Iraq. Does Ms. Sgrena honestly believe that if those heavily armed soldiers really wanted to kill her, she would still be alive? ...

A trip to the Los Angeles area last weekend yielded a pair of items. First was a bumper sticker: "Don't steal. The government hates competition." Second was one of those freeway signs announcing the organization financing litter pickup. In this case, it was Atheists United. God bless 'em.