Honoring leading abortionists

In honor of last week's National Day of Appreciation for Abortion Providers, a celebration, according to www.refuseandresist.org, of abortionists' "heroism, perserverance (sic), courage and commitment to women," I would like to spotlight two of its finest.

But first we need an award to give them.

The motion picture industry has its Oscars, and television has its Emmys. I'd like to propose we offer the "Malachi" Award to abortion trade champions.

The Malachi Award is named after one of the abortion industry's best-known aborted babies, memorialized by a photo taken after his dismembered body was discovered frozen in a jar at a Dallas abortion mill in 1993.

The Malachi award is unique in that it comes in pieces. Perhaps it could be placed in a biohazard bag for the convenience of recipients.

All right then, we're ready to name our first honoree. Drum roll, please. (I had a great award theme song picked out, but my editor husband said it was over the top, so the drum roll will have to do.)

And now, our first Malachi Award, in cold-blooded appreciation of America's abortion providers, is …

Dr. Rodolfo Finkelstein!

Dr. Finkelstein is a 55-year-old abortionist hailing from Argentina who immigrated to the United States to better himself and now is the proud owner of not one but two abortion mills in Livonia and Bloomington Hills, Mich. Dr. Finkelstein specializes in late-term abortions. He is married, has living children he chose not to abort, and …

Dr. Finkelstein? Paging Dr. Finkelstein? Is Dr. Finkelstein not here to receive his award?

Oh, dear. This is very embarrassing. I've just been handed the news that Dr. Finkelstein may have fled the country. It appears an all points bulletin has been issued along with a warrant for his arrest for failing to appear March 8 in a Michigan district court.

Oh, my – the news grows dimmer. It appears that three post-abortive women, at least one of them a minor, have filed charges against Dr. Finkelstein for groping, kissing, fondling and penetration. Authorities are investigating similar sexual assault complaints by other women. At this point, Dr. Finkelstein faces two counts of first-degree criminal sexual conduct and five counts of fourth-degree criminal sexual conduct.

Surely these women are all liars. Dr. Finkelstein and his attorney, Mitchell Ribitwer, said so before Dr. Finkelstein skipped bond.

Hmm. Well, this is awkward. I sense dead air space, which is a no-no, particularly at pro-abort functions. So let's quickly move on to our next award recipient.

This first Malachi Awards ceremony is sure to be remembered as a commemoration of "Finks," because our next honoree is also one!

Dr. Brian Finkel, come on down!

Dr. Finkel is one of the nation's most prominent abortionists. He has carved his niche in Arizona, where he boasts committing 20 percent of the state's abortions annually. Dr. Finkel also brags to have committed over 30,000 abortions over the last two decades and makes $600,000 a year for suctioning and dismembering babies. Wow, talk about killer business savvy!

Dr. Finkel, please come forward to accept your award!

Dr. Finkel? Hello?

Oh, no. This is incredible. Two no-shows?

What? Ladies and gentlemen, the ceremony staff is whispering in my ear that Dr. Finkel is in prison! Remind me to fire our research department! Oh, that's me. Rats.

I have just been told that Dr. Finkel was convicted last year on 22 counts of sexual abuse of patients and is now locked away in prison for 34 years.

Well, I'm slightly depressed. All these months since the 2004 election, defeated pro-aborts have been whining to find ways to compromise and work together. And here I make my first attempt to reach out and recognize their foremost baby killers on the National Day of Appreciation for Abortion Providers, and it certainly has been a grave disappointment.

Surely next year we will find abortionists to receive Malachi Awards who aren't low-life scum. You have my word we will scrape the bottom of the barrel to find them. Just remind me to search the record of registered sex offenders and the FBI's most wanted list first.