The Abu Ghraib prison scandal is destined to become the Mardi Gras of the far left – at least it is for Ted Kennedy. The two are celebrated in similar ways. With Abu Ghraib, Ted sports a large plastered head, and if you put beads around his neck, he’ll show you his compunction bypass scar. Mardi Gras is the same thing, except a little drunker. Now, Ted Kennedy has managed to combine the two to form what is destined to be an annual “Mardi Ghraib” celebration.

Last week marked the 1-year anniversary of the Abu Ghraib prison scandal, and Ted Kennedy took an opportunity to gleefully recap the degenerate behavior of Americans at the prison.

In Kennedy’s 3,500-plus word statement, a manifesto that reads in parts like Willie Sutton condemning bank robbery, Ted said of Abu Ghraib: “The images of cruelty, and perversion are still difficult to look at a year later.” No, he wasn’t talking about his family history when he spoke of perversion. This despite the fact that he had a father who came home at night covered in Gloria Swanson’s lipstick, and had brothers who returned from walks on the beach sporting tan lines in the shape of Marilyn Monroe. Ted wasn’t even speaking of himself when he decried cruelty, forgetting that he was once responsible for a woman’s death and is a “died-in-the-womb” supporter of abortion-on-demand.

Consider Ted Kennedy’s personal past and his Senate voting record, and contrast those with his vehement defense of victims at Abu Ghraib and accompanying anger at the American perpetrators. Then, ask yourself: “Why?” Perhaps it’s for the same reason the dentist pinches your cheek before the Novocain needle plunges into your gums – distraction. Abu Ghraib is the new “Hey, your shoelace is untied” gag that liberals like Kennedy will use whenever anybody gets too close to domestic truth.

Why is the Abu Ghraib scandal a Mardi Gras for the likes of Ted Kennedy? Two reasons: 1. It helps him portray Bush and company as inhumane, and 2. Perhaps subconsciously, perhaps not, Ted’s always looking for anything that may help drag the other side down to his level. In the Kennedy dialect, Abu Ghraib means “party time!”

What do I mean by “his level”? Take abortion, for example. Ted Kennedy voted “no” on a criminal penalty for harming unborn fetus’ during other crimes, “no” on banning partial-birth abortions except for maternal life, and “no” on maintaining a ban on military-base abortions. In other words, Kennedy is furious when a woman puts hoods on men and makes them lay naked in a pile, but if that same woman returns to her base and kills her unborn baby, Ted’s world suddenly makes sense again. Of course, only the latter can jeopardize his “100 percent pro-choice friendly” rating by NARAL.

Beware the U.S. politician who will fight for the rights of foreigners who can’t speak for themselves, but is totally cool with Americans who can’t speak for themselves getting flushed down the toilet. The T-shirt “If abortions are outlawed, only outlaws will be able to screw around with a Kennedy” has to be taken into account when attempting to assign logic to Ted’s position on global human rights.

Ted lacks the ability to introspect and recognize potentially embarrassing conflicts before speaking in many other areas of life, too. Look back at his endorsement of John Kerry. Kennedy wasn’t even shy about touting the fact that Kerry once saved somebody from drowning. The abject shamelessness of Kennedy’s praise was overshadowed only by Ted’s ability to dodge lightning bolts from on high – athleticism rarely seen in one so portly.

The ironies in Sen. Kennedy’s positions are often so hilariously glaring that you can’t help but wonder if he’s doing it on purpose – mocking the country that couldn’t overlook his shortcomings and make him president the way God, not to mention dad, intended. This seems to have left Kennedy, in this particular arena, with the bitterness of unfulfilled destiny … like a beer keg that will forever go untapped.

After living through a life filled with support for killing babies, sex scandals, chronic silver-spooner disease, and one dead girlfriend, what’s Kennedy’s reaction to all this? “Hey, have you seen these Abu Ghraib photos?”

This year’s Mardi Ghraib has officially come to an end, but Ted Kennedy’s celebration will continue for some time to come. It has to. It’ll be interesting to see what he has planned for the 2-year anniversary – and there will be another anniversary celebration. For Ted, this is one marriage that will never end.

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