Wife is fed up with husband's behavior!
Dear Dave,
I have a husband who refuses to work with me in our quest for financial independence. Originally, he took care of all of the finances. After 11 years of marriage I’ve finally decided to take a part in our family finances and not just hand over my paycheck to him. Recently, I’ve made several appointments with financial counselors and my husband has cancelled on me for every one. I finally laid it all on the line and asked him what his problem is with keeping these appointments. He said he doesn’t want to see a financial counselor because they want to look at everything you’ve done with money.
I thought that was the whole purpose here. I think he might be embarrassed for someone to see the errors he’s made with money in the past. I understand the importance of unity in dealing with our finances, but I’m wondering if I should just go about my own path in handling money, get my own checking account and worry about my own retirement. He says we don’t have money to invest for retirement right now.
Maria
Louisville, Ky.
Dear Maria,
You shouldn’t pursue your own financial path, with your own checking account and such, unless you’re planning on getting a divorce. I don’t get the impression that divorce is the way you want to go right now.
Ninety percent of what you’re dealing with here are marriage issues. The financial problems will be worked out as a result of dealing with those issues. This is the same as having a child who is misbehaving and you can’t agree on discipline. You’d probably seek outside counsel.
You both have got to work together on these issues. If you don’t, you’re not working together on your dreams or your fears. When my wife and I have a money fight, what we’re fighting over is power or different dreams. That means the two of us need to sit down together and adjust each other and ourselves so that we have one dream that we’re working on.
Money is a scorecard for men. We don’t feel like Sir Galahad if we’ve messed up with money. So, the embarrassment factor here is probably an issue.
This is not an uncommon issue for married people today. I’d say you’re probably normal. I’d sit down with him and explain to him that this is a marriage issue and on a deep level this is really disturbing to you that he won’t work with you on this. Let him know that this makes you feel like he doesn’t respect you and doesn’t care what you think.
If you can’t come to some agreement on this, you may need to seek counsel from your pastor or a good marriage counselor. If he won’t go with you, go to a counselor by yourself. You need to at least talk to a counselor about how to bring your husband to the table with you to work on this.
-Dave
Savings for a small business?
Dear Dave,
I’ve owned my own sales business for the last 10-12 years; selling to retailers. That business is fast evolving with retailers dropping like flies. I’ve been very fortunate. My wife and I are in our mid-forties, have our home and cars paid off and saved up about $750,000 in investments and cash. I see my business changing over the coming five years or so. I don’t expect my income to continue the way it has been.
Other than CDs, do you have any ideas of where I should leave my cash investments? I might like to pull some of that money to get into a different kind of business when this one has played out.
Charles
Nashville, Tenn.
Dear Charles,
For any money you plan to leave there for fewer than five years, you don’t have many more options than regular savings, CDs or money market accounts. They don’t pay much in interest, but they’re safe.
If you’re going to leave the money alone for five years or more, I’d definitely put it into mutual funds. I’d split it between Growth, Growth & Income, International and a little bit of Aggressive Growth. You might even mix in a few index funds. A decent mutual fund can pay you an average return of 12-13%. Not necessarily in a one or two year period, but over a longer period, they’re a great investment tool.
Then, if you want to start using some of that money to get into a different type of business in five years or more down the road, you’ll have more money to work with and more to leave in your investments. You’ve asked what I would do if I were in your shoes, and this is it.
-Dave
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