U.N. to grab the Internet?

The United Nations is living proof of why colonialism is still necessary. Wearing a fresh coat of whitewash from the Volker Commission's Oil for Fools investigation, Kofi and Company have a new gig in the works. The Internet, we are informed, could be a really useful tool in the hands of the "world body."

I'll bet! A brief glimpse at the U.N.'s recent efforts provides a good idea of the body's idea of "success":

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• Genocide in Bosnia and Rwanda

• U.N. peacekeeper-operated rape factories in the Congo

• Good old-fashioned Jew hatred and extermination fantasies

• Human rights commissions run by the worst abusers

• Nuclear proliferation for terrorist sympathizers

• Fully funding terrorists with Oil for Food

• Lining the family pockets of the tribal looters running the place

• Diplomatic immunity from criminal prosecution

So, in what ways could we expect the newly transferred Internet to become "useful" to the "world body"?

• A tax on every citizen, everywhere, everyday. Just as telephone bills have become monthly tax statements with "subscriber line charges," "franchise fees," "state surcharges," "911 taxes" and "universal service fund surcharges," think what a really astute group of Harvard-trained U.N. bureaucrats could do with this bonanza. "E-mail service fee," "Web access fee," "intra and inter-country border fees," "chat fees," "message posting fees," "delayed electron fees" and we've barely scratched the surface of this mad cash cow.

• World commerce tax. Don't forget the business side of things. Want a website? Then you'll pay the U.N.'s fees – both over and under the table. Want a Web address? It's for sale if you know the right person. Are you selling anything? Then you need a tax stamp and have to pay a commerce service fee (sales tax) to the tribe currently in power.

• Free speech? Not anymore. Freedom of speech is granted only to those individuals who have registered with the appropriate U.N. bureaucracy – and paid the appropriate fee. A list of verboten discussion topics, for which your license can be suspended or revoked, is included with your registration CD. Remember, free speech under the U.N. is a privilege, not a right.

• On the national governance side, would you like to have your dictatorship freed from the pesky criticism of human-rights groups? For a fee, your name can be added to the U.N. Net Nanny hardwired into every new computer server system sold in the world. Watch criticism disappear before your very eyes!

I used to believe that the United Nations was probably worth the lost revenue in parking tickets that it cost because it gave individual nations and leaders a quasi-civilized, shoe-pounding forum where they could yell at, shout down and publicly threaten one another without actually going to war. But the organization has long ago forsaken its diplomatic roots, and in the midst of failure after failure now seeks to reinvent itself as a world governance body. The absurdity boggles the mind, yet the wealthy and clueless continue to indulge its fantasies. The details are available in a column at National Review Online.