Then again, never mind

Editor's note: Michael Ackley's columns may include satire and parody based on current events, and thus mix fact with fiction. He assumes informed readers will be able to tell which is which.

On second thought ... Kudos to Saddam Hussein's prosecutor for his droll response to the dictator's claim he was beaten by his American captors. Perhaps, the prosecutor suggested, Saddam's custody should be transferred to Iraqis.

Well, it's worth a shot: Death row inmate Clarence Ray Allen, facing the end of his life next month, is seeking clemency because he's too sick to be executed. His reasoning, apparently, is that the stress of execution might kill him.

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We have been asked if we are offended by rap lyrics, and our answer always has been, "No, because we can't understand a word the rappers are saying."

However, we must amend this now that the news media have published portions of a Snoop Dogg "poem" read at Tookie Williams' funeral.

"It's nine-fifteen on twelve-thirteen and another black king will be taken from the scene," Snoop Dogg recited. And we are offended – that this sort of drivel is called poetry ...

More stress. The College Board, after incrementally dumbing down the Scholastic Aptitude Test, may break the exam into sections administered on different days. The thing is three hours, 45 minutes long and contemporary teens, the savants believe, just can't take the pressure.

We're sure these kids' future employers will follow suit by breaking difficult tasks into segments instead of requiring their completion in a single day ...

Can you say, "conflict of interest"?

First 5 California, a creature of the California Children and Families Commission, uses state tobacco tax funds to indoctrinate the public on "proper" child development. As part of this effort, it has been shelling out buckets of cash to advertise the benefits of pre-school.

Meanwhile, actor-producer Rob Reiner is leading the drive to enact publicly funded, "universal" pre-school for California 4-year-olds. Reiner is chairman of the California Children and Families Commission.

One might argue that public funds are financing a political campaign. California's Fair Political Practices Commission should take a very close look at this.

Mexico doesn't want to United States to build a security fence along its southern border, because Mexicans trying to enter the United States illegally might hurt themselves. Vicente Fox is in a dither over this, but here's clue for him:

Instead of worrying about the impact of America's efforts to protect itself, why not try reforming Mexico's political and economic structure to take advantage of the nation's tremendous resources? Then Mexicans wouldn't have to sneak across the border to make a decent living. Of course, some south-of-the-border industries – like kidnapping and bribery – would wither in the shake-out process, but isn't that something Fox could live with?

The culture war: Iran's President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has banned "Western music," including the tunes of Kenny G. While it's true Ahmadinejad seems far around the bend, let's give the character his due. Anybody who hates the soprano saxophone can't be all bad ...

It's the thought that counts: A TV newscaster weighed in the on the controversy over a school's efforts to remove religious content from "Silent Night."

"Why don't they just leave it the way Irving Berlin wrote it?" he asked.