The Cheney Incident: The real tragedy

Sunday afternoon, my fondest friend – "Freddy from Fresno," not his real name – came back early from a walk down a nearby country road before he could feed carrots to his neighbor's horses. Instead, he stayed inside, avoiding stray bullets. His bucolic town was overrun with hunters. "Shooting all around me," he relates. "I don't feel safe since the Cheney incident."

With good reason.

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Until now, I've avoided commenting on Dick Cheney's deplorable "quail-hunting accident." Here the Bush-Wah administration's own Darth Vader – possible mastermind of various gummint policies involving torture and treason – twisted in the wind while America and the world momentarily wondered whether his human target would die, and, if so, he'd face manslaughter charges. I must admit to fascination seeing narrative revelations unspool, like a bad reality TV show during Sweeps Week.

Yes, Cheney shot a 78-year-old lawyer, peppering his face and body with birdshot, resulting in the man's minor heart attack, but please hold those attorney jokes. Yes, the unfortunate incident wasn't reported in a timely manner. Yes, its official announcement was severely mishandled. Yes, Cheney didn't have the correct hunting stamp and may never have even been properly trained in hunter safety. Yes, the vice president, reportedly with two DUIs by age 21, admittedly had "a beer" at lunch on the fateful day.

Why the delay? Was Cheney drunk? Did he have another woman there? Was this "accidental shooting" a warning to Scooter Libby?

Maybe it's time for the media to finally get the real tragedy.

PETA prexy Ingrid E. Newkirk recommends revoking Cheney's hunting license:

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... [A]llowing Cheney to hunt poses a threat to his own safety. He suffers from a serious heart condition, which could cause a heart attack during the "thrill of the kill" (or when he accidentally shoots someone else). He could also easily be the victim of a tragic hunting accident, just as his friend was this week. It is the height of folly to allow a person of Cheney's fragile health and political stature to go out into the field with a group of people armed with deadly weapons.

Fine.

Now I want to know why the power-behind-the-throne, the actual Leader of the Free World, would bother killing God's poor, harmless, defenseless creatures? Set a global example, for crissakes, and put down your freaking guns! Don't dismiss this notion as naive. Give this country some credibility when it comes to pursuing peace as an honorable goal.

Besides, quail don't deserve to die. Spare me your macho posturing about hunting being "necessary" to restore "the balance in nature"! If those psychopathic corporate creepazoids – who pollute in the name of profit – cared a fig about "the balance in nature," the planet wouldn't be in such desperate straits with global warming.

America's gun fixation is ridiculous. I know those Second Amendment arguments about how the right to bear arms is necessary to maintain our freedoms. Stow it. Do you have to shoot something to feel real? I supposed you could switch to inanimate targets. They don't bleed, bruise or die when hit. As for all that pro-gun propaganda, keep it to yourself.

Look at this self-righteous blather from the so-called National Shooting Sports Foundation:

More than 19 million Americans safely participate in target shooting. Their numbers break out into subsets of people who enjoy shooting handguns, shotguns and rifles. Add special-interest shooters such as muzzleloader enthusiasts, and the total number of active shooters jumps even higher!

Target shooting varies from leisurely hobbies to competitive local leagues and from collegiate athletics to the world stage of the Olympic Games ... Shooting sports and hunting are rated among the safest forms of recreation. Some 40 million people of all ages safely participate in these activities ... As the trade association for the firearms, hunting and recreational shooting industry, the National Shooting Sports Foundation develops programs designed to ensure the future of shooting.

The future of shooting? Oh, please.

In "The Basics of Buddhism: The Moral Code," Anthony Flanagan, guide to Religion and Spirituality for About.Com, writes:

... Buddha advises us to abstain from harming living beings. Consequently, a Buddhist avoids any acts of cruelty towards human beings, animals, even insects. A Buddhist refrains from activities such as hunting, fishing and other activities that involve the killing of animals. In contrast, Buddhism encourages acting with kindness to all living beings ...

Which could mean no Gitmo, no Abu Ghraib, no more unjust wars, no quaking and quailing, maybe even no government-induced evil in general. Just think about it.