Editor’s note: Michael Ackley’s columns may include satire and parody based on current events, and thus mix fact with fiction. He assumes informed readers will be able to tell which is which.
Sexual orientation will be discussed in public-school social-science classes if a bill by state Sen. Sheila Kuehl becomes law in California.
Among other things, Senate Bill 1437 says, “Instruction in social sciences shall include … an age-appropriate study of the role and contributions of … people who are lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender, to the economic, political, and social development of California and the United States of America, with particular emphasis on portraying the role of these groups in contemporary society.”
We talked to Amy Handleman, spokeswoman for the Democratic legislator, and asked exactly what this meant.
“We believe it is important for young people to recognize not only the accomplishments of individuals in society, but also the fact that those accomplishments may have been accomplished by people who were gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgendered,” she said. “Of course, the curriculum would be age-appropriate, as we recognize that the discussion of sexuality requires a certain level of maturity.”
So we asked, “When do you think it would be appropriate to tell students that an important person was, for example, bisexual?”
“Certainly no earlier than the first grade,” she replied. “Ultimately, the curriculum will give students a balanced view of the contributions of the LGBT community, perhaps starting with the founders of our nation.”
“The founders of our nation?” we asked.
“Certainly,” said Handleman. “It is important for students to recognize that Molly Pitcher and Betsy Ross were lesbians and George Washington was gay and that …”
“Hold the phone!” we exclaimed. “Pitcher and Ross were lesbians? The Father of our Country was gay?”
“Oh, yes,” she said, “and Abraham Lincoln and Douglas MacArthur and FDR – and so many others – were gay.”
“The same goes for figures in world history, one supposes,” we said.
“True again!” said Handleman. “You have Gandhi and Winston Churchill and … Well, I could go on and on. The point is to provide students a balanced view.”
“Balanced, eh?” we said. “That would mean pointing out the macho homosexuality of the leaders of the Third Reich, including Adolph Hitler.”
“I’ll have to get back to you on that,” said Handleman.
As this goes into the ether, California education officials are awaiting a ruling by Superior Court Judge Robert Freedman on whether to apply his ban on the state’s high school exit exam to the entire public-school population, or just the dunces who brought the court action.
Freedman already has ruled the test unfair because not all schools are equal.
Before labeling the judge an idiot, it is important to note that media coverage of the case has not indicated whether state officials introduced the most important evidence in support of the test. That would be that it is ridiculously easy.
State Treasurer Phil Angelides and State Controller Steve Westly have been beating each other up over their environmentalist credentials as they fight to win the Democratic gubernatorial nomination.
Westly refers to Angelides career as a developer as if he were stepping in something objectionable. Angelides, stopping just short of holding his nose, excoriates Westly for owning oil-company stock.
Both would deal with the cost of energy by banning offshore drilling and barring development of new oil refineries while promoting solar, wind, biomass and other alternative energy sources. Both sound like they’re actually seeking the nomination of the Green Party.
Meanwhile, on the national front: We can explain why Rush Limbaugh was prosecuted for his addiction to prescription pain killers while Rhode Island Rep. Patrick Kennedy gets to check into drug rehab.
Limbaugh – respected, successful, influential – is supposed to set a good example. Nobody expects this of a congressman, let alone a Kennedy.
