Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to California.
In order to assimilate, please embrace evolution, idolize drug-addicted movie stars, learn doublespeak, swallow Prozac, tolerate transvestites, speak Spanish and worship Mother Earth.
Now children, stop fidgeting; the flight attendant is en route to dispense Ritalin. Adults, before you leave the plane, an FDA-approved hypnotic-laced oxygen mask will descend from the ceiling. Inhale deeply.
Please don’t cry, ma’am. Everything is fabulous in California. After all, where else can a non-citizen obtain free education, housing, medical and social services, along with pro-bono leftist legal advice? For your information, California is proud to have the best anti-Christian-anti-gun and anti-white-heterosexual-male-government the illegal immigrants and liberals can elect.
Additionally, please ignore California’s hushed and pervasive unemployment crisis. This ensures illegal aliens retain jobs Americans won’t do.
For all you military on board, don’t be alarmed when gangs waive Mexican flags in pro-illegal immigration parades. Relax and join California Democrats as they clap. Remember, you’re in the Great Western Melting Pot, where diversity and perversity proudly reign supreme.
We’d like to thank you nice folks for flying with us today. Let me remind you, there has been increasing awareness among environmental organizations that dangerous alien species have entered the United States. No senor, I’m talking about Chinese mitten crabs, exotic weeds, ferrets and zebra mussels.
Lastly, please remember to check into the bird flu checkpoint on your way out. Naturally, illegal immigrants carrying forged documents are exempt.
Don’t forget to read the Council of Foreign Relations’ “Building a North American Community” 176-page pamphlet.
Thank you for flying Don’t Ask, Don’t Think Airlines. Have a sparkling day!
Kim Oakley
