John Kerry's 2nd chance

America is nothing if not the land of the second chance. Property developers can go bust – only to be worth millions and become television stars a few years later. Disgraced New York Times reporters can return to make millions on a book deal describing their misdeeds. Failed politicians can throw their hat (or tax-deductible campaign-financed haircut) into the next election.

But failed war heroes have a harder time of it. Wars, by their very nature, occur at unpredictable times (except when illuminated under the bright light of hindsight). So a failed war hero may or may not get that coveted "second chance to make a first impression" on America.

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Now that rarest of second chances has arrived for Massachusetts senator and presidential hopeful John Kerry. Despite his failure to release all his military service records (one of the few promises he hasn't waffled on), Mr. Kerry has a once-in-a-lifetime chance to rewrite history in his favor, with the entire world watching.

On July 10, USA Today reported that the Navy has begun a program to reintroduce Vietnam-style swiftboats ("Vietnam vets' experience on boats gets use in Iraq," by Tom Vanden Brook, p. A5) to patrol rivers in Iraq. And there's more than a single chance:

"Now, the Navy plans a river force of three 12-boat squadrons. Each boat will have a crew of five. The boats will be able to top 40 knots, stop quickly and operate in less than a foot of water. They'll have armor and .50-caliber machine guns."

The boats will start by relieving Marines on river patrols protecting Haditha dam in Iraq. "It is dangerous," the article says, quoting Thomas Cutler, an author and former naval officer. "But you don't go into the military to knit socks."

In fact, this may be a golden opportunity for the Democrat Party to muster all of its war heroes. Sen. Kerry can command the swiftboat. Rep. John Murtha can man the machine guns. Sen. John McCain – oh, sorry, he's a Republican ... To represent the modern warfare concept of civilian control, Dr. Howard Dean can accompany the crew and instruct them when it's politically correct to fire on the enemy, how many rounds may be fired and when to cut-and-run. Alternatively, Dr. Dean can dive off the boat headfirst into the shallow side of the river to be rescued.

This is a failure-proof mission for Democrats. Valerie Plame and Joe Wilson can be given new, secret identities known only to the American media and provide intelligence support. If the swiftboat is blown up by an improvised explosive device (say, a plastic explosive laden CNN television camera), the entire crew will have demonstrated their heroism above and beyond the call of duty – on national television. And if perchance the commander and crew chase down a terrorist insurging on the banks of the river and capture him or her – their swiftboat commander will naturally be a shoe-in for commander in chief during the next election cycle.

The beauty of this opportunity is that even if this new Democrat war machine never engages (or even visits Paris and sleeps with) the enemy, they can return as war heroes for rescuing a Democrat Party leadership dumb enough to dive headfirst into a single foot of muddy river water while shouting "Follow me!" to the rest of the country.

Clearly, the Speedos are in the Kerry court.

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