The results of a UCLA study were released last week, and the findings are something we’ve all known for quite some time: Hollywood is a major contributor to environmental ickiness.

Sure, Barbra Streisand, Sean Penn, Ed Asner, Alec Baldwin, and all the rest of the wacky Tinseltown band who play first chair snivelhorn with Martin Sheen and his All-Bohemian Orchestra destroy a little piece of the logic ozone every time they open their mouths, but the UCLA report is literal. Hollywood pollutes, big time – second only to the petroleum industry. Producing just a couple more movies about the environmental evils of big oil is sure to push Hollywood into the top spot.

As one example, consider the makers of the global-warming film “The Day After Tomorrow,” who had the foresight to help ensure there would be an opportunity for a sequel, because it’s reported that they spewed out 10,000 tons of carbon dioxide emissions during production. The UCLA report found that the film and television industry emits 140,000 tons a year of ozone and diesel pollutant emissions from trucks, generators, special effects earthquakes and fires, demolition of sets with dynamite and other sources.

Leave it to Hollywood to spend a fortune and destroy the environment in order to generate fake earthquakes and fires when, right behind them, are actual earthquakes and fires.

How will environmentalist Hollywood greet this report? It won’t. This is how they make a healthy living – a career that affords them the soap box (constructed out of California Redwood, no doubt) from which they can preach to the rest of us about environmental responsibility.

Hollywood is chock full of walking oxymorons, and just plain morons for that matter. These are the wealthy bankrupt, the mansioned homeless, the environmentalist polluters, the fantasy-world realists and gated-neighborhood communers with nature.

Tinseltown was long ago diagnosed with a severe case of “do as I say not as I do syndrome,” and there is no known cure. They drive Priuses to airports to board private jets which will take them to a movie location that will cough enviro-phlegm into the air. They make a fortune and then bash the greed of corporations, with the exception of film production companies. They’re against all guns ? except the ones carried by their bodyguards.

They even call George W. Bush a murderer and then fight like crazy to save the life of a convicted killer of four innocent human beings. Remember Stanley “Tookie” Williams, who was the cause celebre of late 2005? Oh how Hollywood activists fought to save the valuable life of the man who co-founded the “Crips” in 1971, a Los Angeles street gang that has since spread from coast to coast. This made Williams the Ray Kroc of gangbanger franchising, and a celebrity himself in many circles.

Liberal Hollywood not only contributes to ozone depletion, smog and general planetary griminess, but it also embraces and demands mercy for select killers and the generally unstable, often from within the safe confines of their guarded and gated Malibu communities. If that security were breached, however, the story would be much different. Can anyone honestly doubt that if one of the people Tookie Williams was accused of murdering was an actor that he would have had nearly the number of Hollywood allies sporting cries for mercy?

Much of Hollywood is selfish, duplicitous, counterproductive and idiotic ? but they’re also wealthy, which means they can afford to keep telling the rest of us what doofuses we are. And maybe to some degree they’re right. After all, we made them rich.

Let’s remember all this and laugh the next time Hollywood makes a war movie and fires up a bunch of ozone-busting tanks, half tracks, diesel trucks and Humvees and uses the money they make to fly halfway around the world to rallies where they blame planetary ills, real and imagined, on your Chevy Tahoe and hairspray. To complete the ironic triple-double, they throw in some anti-war rhetoric to boot. It’s my firm belief that, not only does Hollywood secretly love war, but they also owe members of the military past and present a huge pile of royalty money.

The next time you see a Hollywood movie about how the planet is being destroyed by the ecological evils of corporate America and an out-of-control consumer culture, remember this: the film could have been made by people who are pointing an accusatory finger at “environmental rapists” while they are often caught behind the Hollywood sign with their pants around their ankles and scratch marks on their faces, standing uncomfortably over a frightened Mother Nature.

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