Gospel according to Gore

Psssst! Hey buddy. Wanna buy a tree?

No joke. If Al Gore and the environmental zealots in his tribe get their way, you'll be trading your car, truck, house, workplace, hobbies, vacations and everything else in your lives for something green.

Anything green.

Trade the trip for a tree. Exchange the house for a windmill. Swap the car for a bike. If it uses energy, get rid of it.

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Heck, I can see the day when there will be a green price on having a baby; you might be enticed to change your mind.

Think of it. Trade the kid for a meadow or a solar panel. It's a lot less expensive and sure is a lot less trouble than 18 years of growing pains.

Wait a minute. I think I'm on to something. After all, the environmentalists tell us the reason we have clogged highways, crowded cities, urban sprawl, all kinds of pollution, never enough open space and a general degradation of the planet is because of people.

Uh, oh. Now it's sounding like population control and yes, there are enviros who fit in that category.

According to the greens, people just get in the way of nature and have such a nasty way of liking things – like food, clothing, housing, schools, jobs, entertainment and vacations. Things like that, which the greenies regard as extravagances, expensive and wasteful.

However, if those people happen to be ''environmentalists'' who live extravagant, expensive lifestyles – well, for them, it's different.

You know the ones. You saw them on TV on Oscar night. They were the ones giving ''high fives'' and the ''thumbs up'' every time the environment, global warming or Al Gore was mentioned. They were dressed to the nines and glammed for the cameras, going to pre- and post- parties to enjoy fine food, beverages and who knows what else, after being transported around town in large vehicles driven by the help.

But they get a pass. It's called their ''carbon footprint,'' supposedly a measure of their polluting lifestyle, even if they patted themselves on the back for riding in ''green'' cars.

Like everything else, it all comes down to money. Those greens can sell their footprint – carbon footprint, that is – for its healthy green equivalent. It's a way of ''cleaning'' the environment by relegating it to the back alleys, salving your conscience by paying some canny trickster to trade ‘''your pollution'' to another part of the world.

Essentially it means, ''pollute'' to your hearts content, figure out how much ''filth'' you're producing, pay a few bucks, make someone else rich, and consider your dirty ways transferred somewhere else and feel really good about yourself.

Watch out! It's the Green Nimby (Not In My Backyard): you need to cut back while they keep on keepin' on.

It was all on display at the Academy Awards in Los Angeles. Yeah, everyone was there to find out whether it would be Helen or Meryl, World War II or mobsters, ''Cars'' or ''Happy Feet.''

Sure.

Everybody was there to see and touch, meet and mingle with former Vice President Al Gore and now Hollywood hero and planet savior.

Poor Clint Eastwood. He didn't stand a chance for camera face time, regardless of whether he took home an award.

Al made a movie of his slide show(!) and it won an Oscar for best documentary. Whatever happened to the concept that a documentary was supposed to be a look at reality. You know, the truth.

Well, Al's flick, ''An Inconvenient Truth'' has that word in the title. I guess to make up for the fact fudging was depicted. It's his truth.

Pushing the doctrine of doom and disaster, his movie is filled with half-truths and outright exaggerations. Taking advantage of the lack of scientific grounding of most people, the film and his spiel have captured the media, enveloped the schools and led to the silencing of scientists who don't agree with the premise that the world is heating up toward disaster because of our use of fossil fuels. Salvation, according to Al, comes when we change our ways, cost be damned.

Consider: that the planet has a history of natural warming and cooling, that there's a difference between climate and weather, that Gore's theory ignores the impact of the sun on earth climate, that Mars (with no people) is going through similar temperature modifications as Earth, that our records of temperature shifts is very short compared with the age of the planet and the very real historic ice ages and warm periods when fossil fuels were not used, that there are scientists who disagree with Gore's premise, that there is no conclusive proof that his speculations are true, that there is no room in science for ''consensus'' yet we are told it is the measure of truth.

We're doomed, says he, unless, people – namely, the wicked, wasteful United States, change our ways. If it were not for us, the world would be a better place. Cut back, downsize, and tax like crazy.

Al's gospel has been spread worldwide, aided and abetted by the media drumbeat – they've signed on full bore. The worldwide greens preach the same line reveling in their sanctimony because the EU backs the Kyoto Protocol.

But the truth is they're not meeting the Kyoto goals they signed. But that hasn't stopped them from disparaging the U.S. for not signing Kyoto, even though we've cut back our energy use without it.

The Washington Times reports a comparison by the National Center for Policy Analysis of data in the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change Report. It shows U.S. carbon dioxide emissions have gone down while those of the EU have gone up. But the U.S. still gets slammed.

Go figure. Maybe they just don't like us. Ya think?

It's quite amazing. The once slender, white bread pol has morphed into a pudgy, dark green, environmental preacher. Clearly, the good life agrees with Al, he loves the red carpet and Hollywood loves him.

The former, yet perennial pol, was in his glory, feted not only as a – ahem – filmmaker, but as an evangelist of the environment. He even told us so, the issue of the future of the planet, he says, is not partisan, it's a ''moral issue.''

Right. I do want to take instruction in morality by the likes of experienced truth-twister Al Gore, a man who's political to the core and despite the show biz hangers-on, remains a bore.

For really green, I like Kermit better. At least he didn't take himself so seriously. There's nothing worse than a zealot without a sense of humor.

Uh, oh. That's Al Gore.

Getting back to trading carbon footprints. I've been thinking. Since moving here, I've planted about fifty trees on my property.

Hey, Al. Can I keep my 8-cylinder, gas fueled, 4-wheel drive SUV?

Editor's note: The current global warming frenzy is exposed as never before in the March edition of WND's acclaimed monthly Whistleblower magazine, in an issue titled, HYSTERIA: Exposing the secret agenda behind today's obsession with global warming."