As a writer and observer of whiffle-brained Tinseltown activists, it's getting too confusing keeping track of who said what about Bush.
Rosie O'Donnell, Sean Penn and Harry Belafonte are three of the most vocal of late in facing down a global political problem that, if it isn't done away with, could mean the end of their way of life, and even the world as they know it.
Those three entertainers – a rugged looking gruff fella, a Calypso singer and Sean Penn – are putting all their attention toward – once and for all – eradicating the world of its most frightening menace.
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad? Nuh-uh.
Kim Jong-Il? Nope.
Al-Qaida? Nah.
No, O'Donnell, Penn, Belafonte, and many others are focusing on the real enemy. The man who makes the hands of Hollywood tremble in anger to the point where it creates surf-able waves in their Evian; the man who is single-handedly stripping away all freedoms in this land – except, obviously, the freedom to make lousy movies, annoying television shows and over-the-top lunacy-laced Hitler comparisons with zero sense of historical scope. That enemy is, of course, George W. Bush.
The problem is that this kind of talk from the Hollywood left is occurring at such a frequent rate that it's hard to remember who said what, so I'm placing them into groups of three for easier handling. For example, I'm calling the aforementioned trio Rosie O'Pennafonte.
Recently, the actor who puts the ''Penn'' in O'Pennafonte was speaking at an anti-Bush rally in San Francisco, the city that knows the proper and peaceful way to fight terror, as they were recently victorious in putting down the horrific threat posed by plastic grocery bags without a shot being fired. (If the Plastic Bag Manufacturers Association wants to get them back on the market, they should instead refer to them as ''grocery condoms'' and before you know it the S.F. City Council would be handing them out at schools to promote ''safe shopping.'')
Here's O'Pennafonte referring to George W. Bush while doing his best impression of an unhinged spiral-eyed Shakespearean with a skivvie fetish:
''We cower as you point your fingers telling us to support our troops. You and the smarmy pundits in your pocket – those who bathe in the moisture of your soiled and blood-soaked underwear – can take that noise and shove it.''
The drama lessons really paid off, but still, I think Master Thespian needs a truckload of Thorazine.
O'Pennafonte then went on to say that he supports the troops, just as long as the money that funds their missions instead goes to feed Africa and the troops are no longer troops. We should all ''support the actors'' in a similar fashion and see how he feels about that.
Now it's on to the person who puts the ''O'' in O'Pennafonte. Speaking on ''The View,'' the program that gives employment to so many mentally challenged people that it probably qualifies for some sort of federal subsidy, Rosie O'Pennafonte said she wonders if the British soldiers taken into custody by Iran is a fake incident, ala Gulf of Tonkin, that Bush and Blair invented to provoke a war with Iran. I wonder if Rosie thinks the U.K.'s lack of response up to this point (it takes some time to figure out how to say ''pretty please'' in Farsi) is also being faked.
Incidentally, I think The View is a fake incident created to provoke a war with lucidity.
Not to be outdone, the person who puts the ''afonte'' in O'Pennafonte thinks that Bush is not only an evil man who makes Hitler look like Ward Cleaver, he also keeps slaves in his administration.
In a recent British interview, O'Pennafonte explained why he thinks blacks in the Bush administration are ''house slaves'' and ''powerless,'' and why black conservatives are greedy tools of white people who ''will sell you out in a minute'' and ''have no regard for humanity.''
Condi Rice, Colin Powell, Clarence Thomas and many others have only achieved some of the nation's highest offices and met with the world's most powerful people. Black conservatives have yet to defiantly break the stereotypical mold like Harry did – by singin' and dancin' for white people.
Soon I'll feature three more liberal Hollywood activists whose similar blather is causing them to become a single vacuous entity. In the coming weeks, I'll focus on either Alec Baldsheenglover or Barbreiner Streisarandon.
How will we be able to know exactly who said what? Does it really matter?
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