The Oscar for 'best ruling by a judge'

Editor's note: Michael Ackley's columns may include satire and parody based on current events, and thus mix fact with fiction. He assumes informed readers will be able to tell which is which.

News item: A federal judge has cited the movie ''An Inconvenient Truth'' in decision on air pollution.

Well, there's a great leap forward for American jurisprudence, and it suggests a number of headlines we might see in the future:

TRENDING: Poll: Stunning number say Biden suffers 'cognitive ailment'

• Peeping Tom freed; judge cites 'Rear Window'

• Hearst Publications loses lawsuit; judge cites 'Citizen Kane'

• UFO 'abductee' ruled sane; judge cites 'E.T.'

• 'The Force' gains status as religion; judge cites 'Star Wars'

• Slave reparations denied; judge cites 'Gone with the Wind'

Propaganda and argument have attained the status of real evidence, which is only fair if you believe in majority rule. Don't most of the great unwashed believe the gross propaganda the Hollywood left inserts in its movies? Shouldn't judges be free to interpret it as fact?

This week's Chutzpa Award goes to Mexican Attorney General Eduardo Medina Mora, who demanded that the United States do more to stop American guns and drug money from fueling violence south of the border.

Most drug cartels get their assault rifles and grenades from the USA, he told a business group.

"It's truly absurd that a person can get together 50 to 100 high powered arms, grenade launchers, fragmentation grenades, and can transport this cargo to our country," Medina Mora said. "It's a task that needs a much more decided and determined effort from the U.S. government, and it's one of the demands we have put on the table."

We asked Doroteo Arango, of Mexico's Secretariat of Figurative and Literal Buck Passing, if this wasn't a ''chicken and egg'' conundrum.

''Who are you calling chicken?'' he bristled, then calmed down after we explained the vernacular expression.

Arango said, ''We could stop Mexico-to-America drug smuggling if we had the financial resources. In most cases, we can extract the 'mordida,' a bribe from those importing goods into Mexico. But the drug cartels, they just won't share. Until they start paying off, we won't have the money we need to fight them.''

More bad news for the old media: Editor & Publisher reports the California Society of Newspaper Editors will cancel its annual convention because organizers fear the industry's economic problems will depress attendance.

It's more serious than you might think: The convention was to be held at Disneyland!

This is a shame, because now we will not see the post-convention articles on such panel discussions as ''Why Are We Losing Circulation?'' and ''What Are We Doing Wrong?'' and the answers to both questions, ''Nothing, as far as we can tell.''

The ''Duh?'' Award goes to Rosie O'Donnell, who apparently buys the idea that the World Trade Center was dynamited. Why? Because she doesn't believe fire can melt steel. Burning jet fuel may not be hot enough to make steel molten, but we've seen relatively puny warehouse fires that left steel girders warped and twisted like overcooked spaghetti.

The Best Good-Time Junket Prize goes to the California legislators who traveled to Europe to see France's high-speed trains. The sum of what the lawmakers learned: ''Those fast trains are really good – and so are the Champagne and escargot.''

The ''Woops!'' Award goes to Rep. Nancy Pelosi. The House Speaker told Syria's Bashar Assad that Israel's Ehud Olmert was ready for peace talks. Unfortunately, nobody told Olmert.

The ''Hold Your Breath Until You Turn Blue'' Trophy goes to John Kerry, who was incensed at the recess appointment of Swift Boat supporter Sam Fox as ambassador to Belgium. ''It's sad but not surprising that this White House would abuse the power of the presidency to reward a donor over the objections of the Senate,'' Kerry said, stamping his foot.