For some reason, when Hillary Clinton speaks to black audiences, she insists on delivering her words with an odd “Al Jolson meets Richard Petty” kind of accent, and breaking into an incredibly insulting political version of ”Mammy.” She’s done this on at least three occasions, and has tried to till more plantations than Robert “King” Carter himself.

Last week, at a National Action Network meeting, with Al Sharpton right next to her, Hillary pulled out her fake accent once again, culminating in the assumption that all blacks are maids for white people.

“We have ta reform our government. The abuses that have gone on in the last six years – I don’ think we know the half of it yet. You know, when I walk into the Oval Office in January of 2009, I’m afraid I’m gonna lift up the rug and I’m goin’ to see so much stuff uhn-der thar … You know, what is it about us always havin’ to clean up after people? … But this is not just going to be pickin’ up socks off the floor. This is going to be cleanin’ up the government.”

Ouch. If there’s ever a movie made about Hillary’s presidential run, it should be called “White Candidates Can’t Jump.”

Where’s the outrage from the perpetually offended likes of Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson, who witness Hillary’s insults first hand and just nod in agreement? If John McCain, Rudy Giuliani, or other GOP candidates morphed into what can only be described as a political ”Amos & Andy” routine, they’d be run out of politics, and probably the country.

But no, the Clintons are charmed and suffer little or no consequence for their ridiculous actions. If anything, they’re used to being rewarded for them. Did Hillary go too far this time? Nah, she’ll be fine. It’s “business as usual.” Hillary’s pulled off lots of fakery over the years: A southern accent, a New York accent, she’s a Yankees fan, she’s a Cubs fan, she’s a Jew, she’s a southerner, she’s a northerner, she’s named after Sir Edmund Hillary, she’s black, she’s a maid, she’s a lucky investor, she bakes cookies, she stands by her cheating husband, she’s a staunch feminist.

Who is Hillary Clinton really? Why, she’s whatever you are, unless you have a well-oiled B.S. detector. Hillary says the country needs a multilingual president, but what Hillary doesn’t seem to understand is that there’s a big difference in being multilingual, and being a cheap ripoff of Rich Little.

As a matter of fact, there’s so much time until the 2008 election, we haven’t seen the end of Hillary’s ethnic pandering/insulting.

For black audiences, Hillary says, “What is it about us always havin’ to clean up after people?” But there’s plenty of time for Hillary to perform a simple alteration of those words and effectively communicate with audiences consisting of:

Hispanic: What is it about us always having to care for peoples’ lawns? Si?

Irish: What is it about us always having to drink our breakfast? Republicans will have that effect on people. Faith and begorrah! Cheers!

Indian: Everybody who knows me knows that my favorite ”Simpsons” character is Apu.

Native American: Me need vote and heap big wampum to defeat right-wing white man.

German: Vee neet to zay nein to zees Republikans who vant to make it illekel to have zee abortion!

Sicilian: Either your brains or your vote will be on this ballot.

Italian: What’s-a da deal with us always having to cook-a da pasta for everybody?

Arab: OK, what I meant by that was this: oil profits are bad – but only if they’re donated to a Republican.

Swedish: Just the other day I was having dinner with ABBA …

Chinese: Vote for me, this no joke, me not put pee pee in your Coke.

Canadian: What is it with us always having to do da kick-saves, eh?

California: Duuude, don’t bogart a woman’s right to choose.

Japanese: Repubricans are rike Godzirra – they must be stopped.

I don’t know what will come out of Hillary’s mouth next, but whatever it is, it’ll be panderous, insulting and – far too common in politics.

For now, since Hillary Clinton seems to think she’s ”Shaft” in a pantsuit, I suggest a new campaign theme:

Who is the woman that would risk your neck
For her brother man?
Hillary! Can you dig it?

Who’s the cat that won’t cop out
To get national health care all about?
Hillary! Right On!

Should Hillary Clinton be our next president? Faux shizzle!

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