Heiress Philosophy 101: Paris and Hillary

Not many people know that Paris Hilton and Hillary Clinton have a lot in common. In fact, I would have never thought of comparing the two if I had not read Paris' book, "Confessions of an Heiress." Yes, Heiress Paris' philosophy on life is so much like Heiress Hillary's, that it's hard to see any differences between the two women at all. Except one very important one.

And that one thing makes Paris the better of the two.

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Trust me – Paris's book, even though not quite a work of art, has more wisdom in it and was more fun than Hillary's blue-book plan for her communist takeover, "It Takes a Village."

Forgive me for quoting the Hilton Goddess, but if I didn't tell you, who would?

Paris says, "There is no sin worse in life than being boring – and nothing worse than letting other people tell you what to do."

Hillary's got the last part down pat. She made so many mistakes doing her own thing in the first term of Bill Clinton's presidency that Dick Morris said they had to just shut her up – or else Bill might lose his chance at a second term. Reigning in Hillary was not easy. Only the threat of her losing her own chances for getting the presidency kept her quiet.

It's been reported Hillary made a rule that no one who worked in the White House could look her in the eye. I'm surprised they weren't made to bow when she went by, but protocol being as it was, that's all she was allowed to demand.

As for the boring part, let's fact it – Hillary is so boring that I'd rather watch brownies rise in the oven. Paris could teach her a few things in that regard.

Paris says, "Always act like you're wearing an invisible crown. I do. If you expect people to do things for you, they will."

Well, Heiress Hillary has been wearing her invisible "I deserve to be president" crown since she and Bill first got into the White House. Hillary is the queen of "hand me your money." How else do you explain her great war chest of political funds?

Paris says, "Have some secrets. Secrets are very important assets if you're going to be an heiress."

No need to tell that to Hillary Clinton. Not only does she refuse to let anyone see her records of her experiences in the White House, making sure her husband closed them up in the National Archives, who knows what secrets she holds in her closet of scandals… like Vince Foster's suicide, Travelgate, the Whitewater debacle. Yes, Hillary made shredding documents into a whole new art form. And the biggest secret of all, is that she plans to take America into a global, one-world, "we shall all work for humanity" government.

Paris says, "An heiress hardly ever refers to money, period."

I like this one. It's the reason the rich go around trying to act like they're just "one of us." It's why they hide all their homes and stocks dividend – envy can be lethal.

So, who knows how much money Bill and Hillary have hidden in various world bank accounts? Every single day they were in the White House, they gave parties at the taxpayers expense and "charged" millions for visits to the Lincoln's bedroom, and coffee meetings. Where did it all go? Is there an honest record?

Paris says, "Always tell everyone what they want to hear. Then do what you want. That way no one ever gets made at you. They get very confused, then blame it on themselves. If anyone confronts you, smile sweetly and act coyly."

Wow, I can hardly believe this one. That's it. Hilary is really Paris's mother. That explains her drug abuse.

Paris says, "Always have very big bodyguards."

Last time I saw Hillary on C-SPAN, her four bodyguards could have picked up a mobile home and carried her in it.

Paris says, "If you cheat, just don't get caught. And if you do, deny it. Heiresses are very good liars when they want to be."

Really?

In the end, if Paris Hilton was running for president, I would vote for her hands down over Hillary on this comment alone: "You kick out a guy if he lies to you or cheats on you."

Spoken like a true American woman. Paris is the real heiress; Hillary is just common…

Hey, go for it.

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Joyanna Adams is a writer and musician residing in Missouri.