Obama lionized, Keyes minimized

Editor's note: Michael Ackley's columns may include satire and parody based on current events, and thus mix fact with fiction. He assumes informed readers will be able to tell which is which.

Are you Republicans racists?

The Democrats come up with a presidential candidate of African descent, and he's almost instantly a real contender. Republicans have an African-American candidate of their own, Alan Keyes, who – to borrow from Sen. Joseph Biden's gaffe – is "articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy," and he scarcely gets a nod of recognition.

Here's part of Keyes' statement on why he's seeking the presidency:

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"I'm running for president because I think this republic is collapsing. I think our system of self-government is being replaced by a system in which we will be dominated by foreign powers, by globalist institutions, by self-seeking corporations instead of having a government of, by, and for the people.

"This collapse of our national sovereignty and the sovereignty of our people is taking place because we have abandoned the basic moral principle on which this country was founded: that our rights come from God, and that therefore we must exercise them and apply them with respect for the authority of God.

"In every area, we are finding that this retreat from principle is leading to the destruction of innocent life in the womb, the collapse of the family structure, the loss of our self-confidence in the defense of our borders, and finally, a misunderstanding of what the war on terror is about, since our aim must be to defeat the forces that disregard the claims of innocent life, in violation of the fundamental principle on which our country was founded."

Keyes is super-smart and grounded in American values. Why isn't he lionized by the press like Barack Obama? Why doesn't he get a hearing?

Perhaps it's because he's super-smart and grounded in American values.

The scene: An editorial meeting prior to the NBC Evening News with Brian Williams:

Writer: Now, we've worked in the latest on the War on Terror and …

Producer: Let's make that the administration's War on Terror. So many people don't approve of it that we don't want to give the impression that it's America's War on Terror.

Writer: What? Oh, yeah. The administration's War on Terror. Then we'll segue into the piece on the progress of the troop surge and …

Producer:: Hold it. Let's make that the so-called troop surge.

Writer: Well, OK, but we did send in a whole bunch of troops. What's wrong with calling it a surge?

Producer:: We don't want our viewers to think we're endorsing administration terminology.

Writer: But if the administration term is accurate, what's wrong with using that term?

Producer:: Who said accuracy was the point? And do you like working here?

Writer: Right. The so-called troop surge …

Williams has referred to the "administration's War on Terror" and the "so-called" troop surge, but the dialog above is imaginary – as far as we know.

We have in hand a mailer from Californians for Hillary. It is filled with soft-focus pictures of candidate Clinton that make her look like a model for Oil of Olay (I used to think it was skin care for matadors. You know, "Oil of Ole'!").

The thing is filled with glittering generalities, and we were captivated by Clinton's pledge to "invest in efficient green technologies to help create at least 5 million jobs and clean energy over the next decade."

Hey, that gambit worked for Jimmy Carter in 1980, didn't it?

Oh.