Shredding the candidates

I wish tomorrow were the November election. Unfortunately, by then, most Americans will experience d?j? vu ? been there, done that.

I feel that way now, and tomorrow is only the big primary. Pick one: Tweedle-Dee or Tweedle-Dum.

No matter your choice, “Tweedle-dum” is the better word ? as in “dumb!”

We have a race with no incumbent and no vice president running. It should be a wide-open battle of philosophies. Voters should have a real choice.

In your dreams!

On the Democrat side, there’s Hillary Clinton, who was first lady and is a U.S. senator.

She claims her “sleeping rights” to the former president qualifies as part of her “experience” leading to the highest national office.

She can’t acknowledge that her Senate election representing New York, her second “adopted” state, was accomplished because of a massive pity factor, inasmuch as she was, and remains, publicly humiliated by her husband’s political shenanigans and sexual escapades, in and out of the White House.

That her politics are as left wing as one can imagine, short of full-government control of all of our lives, almost completes the picture.

That’s done when her final card is played, the sex card: She would be the first woman president.

That should have been enough to hand Hillary the White House key but then, along came Barack Obama ? oooh-eee!

Obama is a young, articulate and attractive candidate from Illinois with limited state-level political experience and is now a U.S. senator.

One wonders how he made the massive leap from Midwestern liberal obscurity to viable presidential candidate. It’s understandable though, why no one digs into that.

After all, he would be the first black president. He can play the race card without saying a word and is almost untouchable because of it.

Other Democrat hopefuls faded quickly. John Edwards dropped out after Florida and hasn’t supported anyone ? yet.

That was no Democrat debate last week. It was a love-fest that politically was a waste of time but certainly gave each of them a national platform to show voters how terrific and polite they are.

Clinton and Obama were so extremely careful not to “offend” the other by strong arguments that it only emphasized there’s scarcely any difference between them. You’d be hard-pressed to decide who was more adept at tiptoeing through those political minefields.

Fortunately, Bill Clinton wasn’t there. For someone who wants to be considered her own woman and running on her own “qualifications,” Hillary has used Bill extensively to campaign for her across the country.

Shy guy that he is, Bill used the platforms to promote himself. But that just reminded people what a smarmy, crooked administration he headed for eight years. It got so bad that Hillary had to say publicly that if she were president, she’d be able to control her husband.

Now she’s starting?

It’s not much better on the Republican side, for while there’s no gender or race card, there’s religion, sex and experience.

With so many candidates dropping along the way, voters have lost clear choices.

There’s Mike Huckabee, a former preacher who fancies himself a one-liner comedian and in the doing of it, demeans what’s at stake in this election.

He’s also a former Arkansas governor and hails from the town of Hope.

Haven’t we heard that song before?

Sure have, and despite the GOP party affiliation, he’s way too similar to Bill and Hill.

A look at Huckabee’s record and philosophy shows his liberal actions and votes undermine any claims to conservatism.

Then there’s the question of his being a stalking horse for John McCain. The whole scene is odd.

First, mainstream media, in which there’s no love lost for the GOP, jumps on the Huckabee bandwagon after Iowa. He became their favorite and was virtually declared the nominee.

Then after Michigan, New Hampshire, South Carolina and Florida, poor old Mike faded, although he’s still in the race.

Now, John McCain is the media favorite.

Considering that a few months ago, his candidacy was considered dead in the water, it raises suspicion there’s more going on than random politics.

Fred Thompson dropped out and after Florida so did Rudy Giuliani, who gave his support to McCain ? who’s strutting and preening as though the inauguration is next week.

His history of arrogance, temper tantrums, angry outbursts and foul language simmers below the surface, but his edginess and nastiness were clearly visible during last week’s GOP debate.

You do know what I mean, don’t you, my friend?

Ron Paul held his own, but McCain focused his “barely below the surface” vitriol for Mitt Romney. McCain accused, refused to respond to challenges, didn’t acknowledge Romney’s explanations of posed questions and accusations and generally was combative.

His smirking and smiling (it’s worrisome that his eyes don’t smile) and tone of voice went beyond debate theatrics. He clearly thinks he’s the nominee and that challengers waste his time.

His war heroism, while commendable, is not sufficient qualification for election.

McCain isn’t a conservative. His career votes are for higher taxes, bigger government, restriction of individual rights and free speech, for loose borders and amnesty and more.

He frequently crosses the aisle to play footsie with Democrats and considered changing parties and running as vice president on the John Kerry ticket.

Opportunist, anyone?

Mitt Romney is the nice guy in all this and is berated for that. He’s too ?everything: too nice, too mannered, too good-looking, too neatly dressed, too successful, too rich and just too Mormon.

He can’t win for losing.

On the other hand, Romney might just win because as Republicans realize that the “McCain loose cannon” might wind up lobbing shells into the Democrat camp and staying there among “friends,” they’ll realize their only hope for conservatism in the next administration lies with the candidate with really good hair!

Both Democrats promise extreme liberal government with all that entails.

Republicans have two liberals in conservative clothing, a libertarian, and a soft-spoken conservative who knows how to navigate turbulent political waters.

Pick one from each column. Who wins the November face-off? What will it mean for our future?

It’s that serious.