Hillary: First black female president?

(We at Liberal & Proud are dedicated to bringing our WorldNetDaily readers not only news from inside the Beltway, but also news from inside the inside of the Beltway. This week, I'm pleased to provide a transcript of a video recording made when some anonymous but feckless Senate intern accidentally – or otherwise – left his/her cell phone on "record" in the United States Senate's famous cloakroom! Although you haven't heard of this (because it never happened), the original video was zapped to thousands of insiders' cell phones within 15 minutes of the event. As we used to say in the late '60s, "far out!" – or, in this case, "far in" – side the Beltway.)

The Scene: Two knots of United States senators are shown in opposite corners of the cloakroom. The group on the left has been identified as Sens. Edward Kennedy and John Kerry, D-Mass.; Chris Dodd, D-Conn. and Jay Rockefeller, D-W.Va. Clustered on the right are Sens. Debbie Stabenow, D-Mich.; Patty Murray, D-Wash. and Maria Cantwell, D-Wash. Although the images are a bit grainy, both groups appear to be glaring unhappily at each other, whispering, pointing and shaking their heads. Finally, Sen. Cantwell raises an angry voice.

Sen. Cantwell: "… and that Ted Kennedy should be ashamed of himself!"

Sen. Kennedy [raising his voice]: "And why should I be ashamed of myself? I'm not you know, and you can bet that, uh, I'm never …"

Sen. Murray [pointing her finger at Kennedy's group]: "You men! Men! Men! Sometimes I can't stand that word! You stick together like a bad package of Gummy Bears! You had a chance to make history. The three of you could have helped put the first woman in the White House. But you betrayed everything, and for what? Another man! Figures.

Sen. Kerry: You just hold on there, sister. I'm second to no man in my support for women's rights. And no gal is going to lecture me about history. So listen up, lady: History in this country will be made by putting the first African-American in the White House!

Sen. Stabenow: First woman!

Sen. Rockefeller: First African-American!

Sen. Stabenow: First woman!

Sen. Rockefeller: First African-American!

San. Cantwell: Just a moment. We're acting like schoolboys, in this, the greatest deliberative body in the world.

[Moment of respectful silence follows]

Sen. Stabenow: We can disagree, and we can argue. So come, let us reason together. Look, we three women have all endorsed Hillary for president. That's history. And we understand that you three have endorsed Obama. He'd be the first African-American nominee for president of a major party. And that's history. So let's say we compromise.

Sen. Rockefeller: Compromise? Oh, you mean by getting Hillary to run as vice-president with Obama leading the ticket?

Sen. Stabenow: No, I'm talking bigger, much bigger.

Sen. Kerry: I might talk, dress and look like a lock-jawed horse, but that doesn't mean I'm stupid. What can be bigger?

Sen. Murray [breaking into a large smile]: How about … an African-American female candidate?!?

Sen. Rockefeller: But Shirley Chisholm is dead!

Sen. Kerry: So is Barbara Jordan.

Sen. Kennedy: I thought Condi Rice was, uh, a Republican?

Sen. Murray [beaming]: No, gentleman, I'm talking about Hillary Rodham Clinton!

[Moment of dumbfounded silence.]

Sen. Dodd [Clearing his throat]: Uh, Patty, have you seen those new commercials for Cymbalta? The anti-depressant? My own doc swears by 'em, and …

Sen. Kerry [Clears his throat]: Uh, Sen. Murray, I may be missing the obvious, as in patently obvious, as in, well, obvious, but … [lowers voice to almost a whisper] Isn't Hillary Clinton … uh … white?

Sen. Murray [with a gleeful lilt]: Only technically, John, and that's the beauty here. Do you remember Toni Morrison?

Sen. Kerry: Toni Morrison the novelist? Of course I've heard of her. Where do you think I'm from? I'm Yale, class of '66.

Sen. Murray: Well, you recall that Morrison described Bill Clinton as "America's first black president," right?

Sen. Kerry: So?

Sen. Murray: So? So!?! So, we get Bill Clinton to state at a press conference that he would never, ever, ever, marry outside of his race, and then …"

Sen. Kerry: I thought he already tried that in the South Carolina primary?

Sen. Dodd [whispering to Sen. Stabenow]: Look, Patty, I've got my doctor's phone number written here, and if you'll just mention my name …

(Richard F. Miller collaborated on this column.)

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