No matter what goes wrong, we know where all blame belongs.

Blame it on global warming.

If you lose your job, blame global warming. If your boyfriend bugs out, blame global warming. If your kids set the house on fire, blame global warming. If the cashier gives you the wrong change, blame global warming.

It’s now the all-purpose villain for every catastrophe, great and small. No connection is too small to dream up.

For Congress, it’s a godsend, though. Global warming makes a handy diversionary tactic, since Congress’ approval has dropped to a record-low 18 percent.

They’re modeling Al Gore, for whom no disaster is too horrific to use for political advantage. Witness his blaming global warming for the horrible cyclone that killed tens of thousands in Myanmar. No word yet on whether Gore wants the spotlight again, to claim that China’s earthquakes also stem from his pet villain. But he still has time.

As Jeff Poor of the Business and Media Institute says, “Using tragedy to advance an agenda has been a strategy for many global warming activists.”

Gore wouldn’t be the first to try linking earthquakes to global warming. But the earlier effort suggested the link would be the weight shifts on tectonic plates as glaciers melt. That’s obviously not a cause for China’s quakes.

Sen. John McCain, R-Ariz., is also in the forefront. This week he recited a litany of woes that he attributes to global warming: “reduced water supplies, more forest fires than in previous decades, changes in crop production, more heat waves afflicting our cities and a greater intensity in storms.”

Sen. Hillary Clinton, D-N.Y., quickly opined that McCain “did not go far enough.”

It’s no wonder the rest of the world, scientist and layperson alike, is quick to jump on the bandwagon of blame.

Australians fault global warming for bringing a different species of cockroach into their kitchens.

Some cite it for an increase in cougar attacks (because warm winters presumably increase the numbers of their prey of deer, elk and moose).

But there’s a contradictory explanation for other species. Die-offs of frogs, monkeys and reptiles in Costa Rica supposedly are because of warm weather that grows more fungus, which in turn attacks those animals.

In fact, the only thing you cannot find linked to global warming is consistency.

How can anyone keep track of the plethora of claims? There’s a handy website listing over 600 such items, “A Complete List of Things Caused by Global Warming.” Here’s a sampling of what they document as being blamed on global warming in the media:

  • Acne
  • Weeds
  • More bee stings
  • More grass in the Antarctic
  • More ice in the Antarctic instead of grass
  • Less salt in the ocean
  • More salt in the ocean
  • More jellyfish attacks
  • Shrinkage in the size of human brains (which may be the only way to explain Congress)
  • Cannibalism (which could be a false alarm, since the claim comes from Ted Turner)
  • Fish that go deaf or get lost
  • Bubonic plague
  • Colder weather
  • Warmer weather reducing the home field advantage of the Green Bay Packers.
  • The Earth spins faster
  • The Earth spins more slowly
  • The Earth gets lopsided
  • Traffic jams
  • Sour grapes
  • More maple syrup
  • Less maple syrup
  • More executions of witches
  • Higher taxes

Certainly the last one is truly linked to global warming, because too many folks in Washington suggest we need more taxes to combat global warming.

Finding things to blame on global warming is definitely a growth industry, which may explain the term “green jobs.” But since it’s the all-purpose bad guy for our era, it deserves recognition as such.

The film industry has ranked the Greatest Villains of All Time in Hollywood movies. Those include Darth Vader from “Star Wars,” Norman Bates from “Psycho,” Hannibal Lecter from “Silence of the Lambs” and even the Wicked Witch of the West from “Wizard of Oz.”

Hollywood may be missing the chance to name its No. 1 all-time, all-star, all-purpose villain. Haven’t those guys seen “An Inconvenient Truth”?

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“Global Warming or Global Governance?” DVD

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“HYSTERIA: Exposing the secret agenda behind today’s obsession with global warming”

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