As one of those pop-cultural non-conformist types, please indulge me while I go ahead and toss that stifling, mind-numbing muzzle called political correctness.

I’m going to dispense with the subtleties and point out what most are thinking but won’t say for fear of the inevitable “progressive” backlash (shhhh …they’re everywhere): So-called “same-sex marriage” is a counterfeit. If marriage is a Rembrandt, then the ridiculous and oxymoronic notion of “gay marriage” is a Rembrandt knock-off from the pages of Mad magazine. It’s a silly novelty.

I know. I’m “mean-spirited.” But in light of the California Supreme Court’s recent opinion – which enigmatically manufactured a “constitutional right” to “same-sex marriage” from thin air – I think we need to come back to earth for a moment. Mind you, re-entry into reality’s atmosphere will inevitably burn some folks.

When same-sex friendships are twisted and sexualized, practitioners of “the sin that dare not speak its name” are forced, at every level, to merely mimic the genuine article. They jump through a series of inelegant hoops to create a fantasy world wherein two people of the same gender clumsily imitate natural heterosexual pairings properly designed for procreation and the healthy rearing of children.

Even “gay sex” (male-male anal sodomy) is a crude, man-made imitation of the natural heterosexual reproductive process. Sadly, as millions of homosexuals have had to learn the hard way, this disordered, makeshift simulation of a natural biological process is coldly rejected by the very human biology it mocks.

As the CDC has illustrated time and again, unnatural behaviors beget natural consequences. Homosexual conduct – especially among males – creates an environment ripe for infectious disease and emotional and spiritual injury. This, by definition, is perversion. (“Perversion: Pathology. A change to what is unnatural or abnormal: a perversion of function or structure.” –

Homosexuality is a dead end. It’s emotionally, spiritually and physically sterile. But it’s not surprising that, as with most sins, those trapped in the aptly named “queer” lifestyle desperately seek affirmation of their behavioral choices. Most of us know when we’re doing something immoral, let alone unnatural and unhealthy, and so we want others to convince us otherwise.

Consider comedian and talk-show host Ellen Degeneres. After recently announcing that she intended to “marry” her friend, Portia DeRossi (a woman), Ellen sought approval from presidential candidate John McCain, whom she had as a guest on her show.

I’ll admit it: Ellen is a sympathetic figure with a quick wit. I’m sure she’s a very nice person, and I don’t dislike her at all. But she’s playing with fire. Ellen compounds the sin of homosexuality by using the platform she’s been given to lead others astray. She guides her many adoring housewife fans into rebellion against God’s divine and explicit natural order by suggesting they celebrate sin and entertain, along with her, the “gay marriage” delusion.

Still, God will not be mocked. It’s the height of humanist hubris to believe that man can radically redefine that which God has created. We can never sanctify that which natural law rejects and God expressly condemns – especially when God Himself, out of sheer love for each of us, offers us so much more.

I’m sorry (well, not really) for my lack of contrived “sensitivity,” but Ellen, sweetie (to borrow from a presidential candidate), no amount of wishful thinking or going through the motions will make your illicit same-sex “relationship” with Ms. DeRossi a “marriage.” You may get a piece of paper that says it is, but, in the eyes of God and most of the world, your counterfeit “marriage” will never be worth the paper it’s written on.

Again, I know. I’m a hateful, homophobic bigot … yada yada yada. But for those who disagree, your gripe isn’t with me; it’s with your sovereign Creator who loves each of us in spite of ourselves.

While on Ellen’s show, Sen. McCain famously wished her “nothing but happiness.” I echo his sentiment. I wish Ellen nothing but happiness. But not the quasi-happiness that comes through sinful self-indulgence. Of that, God requires Ellen – and all of us – to repent. Happiness derived from sin inevitably rings hollow. If Ellen wants true happiness, the kind of happiness that only God can provide, I pray she’ll have a conversation with Jesus Christ.

To those of you who, like Ellen, may be planning a “same-sex marriage” in order to somehow affirm your “relationship,” know that you’re only fooling yourselves. True affirmation comes not from me, not from society, not from government, but from God alone – and He’s said, unequivocally, that none of us will get it unless we repent of our sin. The Good News is He’ll give us the power to repent and to live for Him in the joy only He can provide.

But nonetheless, what a Pandora’s box the California Supreme Court has opened. These four black-robed autocrats have engaged in the worst kind of judicial activism, abandoning their role as objective interpreters of the law and, instead, constructively legislating from the bench.

It’s absurd to suggest that the framers of the California state constitution could have ever imagined there’d be a day when so-called “same-sex marriage” would even be conceptualized, much less seriously considered. If anyone then had suggested the ridiculous notion, early Californians would have laughed their smocks off.

For now, however, the court’s ruling is relatively toothless. Gov. Schwarzenegger is compelled by his oath of office to order officials to disregard the court’s opinion until either state lawmakers or “we the people,” through ballot initiative, actually legalize “gay marriage.” And if Schwarzenegger directs officials to start issuing “gay marriage” licenses before that, no county clerk has constitutional authority to do so absent a change in law. The court cannot change existing statutes, only issue an opinion as to the constitutionality of those statutes. And an opinion is just that, an opinion.

But since the court has refused to stay its own ruling, and since it appears that Schwarzenegger will freely submit to its “supreme” will and begin issuing marriage licenses to homosexual duos on June 17, the court’s opinion will essentially be receiving a set of false teeth courtesy of the Governator. At that point, California government will be in direct defiance of the express will of the people as overwhelmingly ratified with Proposition 22.

The court will have, for all practical purposes, “legalized” “same-sex marriage” (albeit through an arguably illegal process that paradoxically both invokes the constitutional “checks and balances” firewall and abuses it at the same time) because the other two branches of government will have waived the right of challenge.

Therefore, “same-sex marriage” will be treated as legal in California at every level of government. This “marriage” experiment from the Island of Dr. Moreau will have effectively, though not genuinely, been “legalized.”

Undoubtedly, out-of-state “gay” duos will then “marry” in California and head back to their home states demanding their “marriages” be given “full faith and credit.” This will create national legal chaos.

Still, hope remains. A measure that would amend California’s constitution to maintain the definition of marriage as a union “between a man and a woman” has been certified and will be on the 2008 ballot. And there’s a good chance it’ll pass.

But more must be done. It’s clear, now more than ever that a federal constitutional amendment protecting marriage is the only foolproof means by which to ensure that legitimate marriage and family are not radically redefined into oblivion.

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Matt Barber is one of the “like-minded men” with Concerned Women for America. He is an attorney concentrating in constitutional law and serves as CWA’s policy director for cultural issues.

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