Global Gorecaster's 10-year challenge

There is a new kind of 10-year challenge that we must will into reality. This is a challenge that is of utmost importance – a clarion call to all concerned citizens – and here it is: Within 10 years, the world must dedicate itself to completely ignoring eco salesmen peddling 10 year challenges.

In a speech last week, Al Gore called for a switch of the nation's electricity production to wind, solar and other carbon-free sources within 10 years. Al just happened to have some of these things for sale in the lobby following the show.

Gore showed up to the speech with a carbon nightmare of a motorcade, complete with two Lincoln Town Cars and a Suburban SUV. Would it be too much to ask that Gore at least pretend to believe what he preaches? But that's a matter for an entirely different 10-year challenge.

Prior to the speech, Gore had encouraged all attendees to walk, ride a bicycle or take public transportation. Now it's apparent why: He needed the carbon offsets.

To achieve Gore's 10-year vision for America, the government would have to mandate something like British Prime Minister Gordon Brown's "eco towns." The U.K. has plans under way for 100,000 homes in five different communities, with the goal of being completely "carbon neutral."

TRENDING: Romanians flooding U.S. border at record numbers, committing fraud across America

The air will be clean, the birds will be chirping Chopin and all people will be holding hands singing Kum ba Yah while it rains rose petals as chocolate bunnies frolic in the tulip patch. Who could argue with that?

When eco towns are proposed in the United States (where Europe treads American liberals are dying to follow), and guess who wants to be the realtor you'll be paying a 50 percent commission to? I'll give you a hint – he won the popular vote in 2000, looks like he swallowed Alfred Hitchcock and believes it's not hypocrisy to fly in a private jet provided you're flying over somebody who's planting a tree.

The Times Online reported last month that in Gordon Brown's green communities motorists will face fines for driving, fees for parking at the edge of town, charges for driving at peak times, penalties for driving too much, etc.

I wouldn't mind at all if residency in "eco towns" were voluntary, but when the government's involved, it never stops at "voluntary" and the control won't end with only cars. There is no way to control someone's automobile usage without monitoring and restricting every other aspect of that person's life. This is by design – or at the very least what happens when the natural inclination of governments, demagogues and/or environmental megalomaniacs to drift toward totalitarianism is left unchecked.

The radical environmental movement is about absolute political and social control, and peddling lies and extreme propaganda until a brainwashed national cult is born. It's Stalinism in a biodegradable dress – and Al Gore is turning into Radical Rupaul of the Rainforest right before our very eyes.

On the lighter side, according to Robert Redford, there's a different, less drastic way we can help save the planet: Poetry.

The "actor/activist" (today's redundancy is sponsored by Reese's Peanut Butter Cups – chocolate and peanut butter – two great tastes that taste great together!) is taking the fight to global warming in the form of poetry competitions.

NPR.org reports that Redford has spent at least 30 years "fighting on behalf of the environment." With all the hurricanes, volcanoes, tsunamis, earthquakes, droughts and floods, the environment seems to be able to handle its own self-defense just fine without the assistance of a liberal actor.

Redford's Sundance Preserve is sponsoring "Brave New Voices: Youth Speaks! 11th International Youth Poetry Slam."

Though I may no longer qualify as "youth," I'm nonetheless in a helping mood, so here are a small variety of submissions to Mr. Redford's competition:

Limerick:

In 10 years the oceans will be dead,
once said an actor named Ted
It's now 20 years later,
the oceans are greater
and the only thing dead is Ted's cred

Quatrain:

"Send me lots of money this morning,
to save the environment from warming."
Al Gore, he rejoices, and birds they sing
because stupid actors will fall for anything

Haiku:

Bear trapped on ice sheet
couldn't leave in time, now stuck
Dang that bear is slow

or …

Buy carbon credits
to save the Earth from ruin
Private jet takes off

It feels so good to know that I just did my part to fight global warming, and it didn't even require a 10-year challenge.