Dear Dave,
I bring home $2,800 a month, and my husband stays home with our two daughters – one 3, the other 3 months. He’s healthy and able, but he won’t work because he thinks he can’t make enough money to cover the cost of day care. Our rent is $1,000 a month, and our other bills add up to about $2,000 a month. What do you think about this, and when is it OK to avoid day care expenses by not working?
Daisy
Dear Daisy,
I’m an old-school guy, a crusty old dinosaur about some things. I grew up in a generation where a guy who did this kind of thing was called a wuss, or worse – not because he’s staying home with the kids, but because he’s staying at home while you guys can’t pay the bills!
I’m all about family togetherness and spending as much time with your children as possible, and I don’t have a problem with guys being stay-at-home dads as long as the family is in agreement and can afford to do that kind of thing. But if you’re just scraping by, or can’t meet your financial obligations, which seems to be true with you guys, that’s a different story.
This guy needs to get off his butt, fulfill his responsibilities as a man and a husband, and find a way to start taking care of his family!
Dave
Babysitting blues
Dear Dave,
My husband and I haven’t been out on a date, just the two of us, since our daughter was born earlier this year. It’s really starting to strain our relationship. Most of the babysitters around here charge $40 or $50 a night, and we can’t afford that because we’re trying really hard to get out of debt. Our closest relatives are five hours away. I’m afraid we’re growing apart because of this. Do you have any ideas to help?
Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
I was married for several years before I realized husbands and wives were supposed to have date nights. We survived my ignorance, and things that were a whole lot tougher, but I still think date nights are a great idea. You’ve got to keep the lines of communication open, and one-on-one is how you do that.
I think you’ve being a bit dramatic, however, when you say your marriage is unraveling because you haven’t had a date night in a few months. If that’s the case, the fibers were already too loose. The roots of any relationship should be a lot deeper. If yours is falling apart over something like this, especially when you’ve got the great bonding experience of a new baby in the house, then there may be other issues you need to address with a good pastor or marriage counselor.
How about asking friends to help out once in a while and look after the baby for a couple of hours? Maybe you could form a babysitting co-op. There are plenty of other broke couples with babies out there. Take some time to get to know people at work, or in church, who are in similar situations. Then trade off babysitting duties – they take your kid one night, and you take theirs another night.
You could get really creative and work a tradeoff with a trustworthy high school student. Instead of paying them money, you might trade babysitting for something you have to offer. I don’t know a college student alive who wouldn’t jump at the chance for a nice, big home-cooked meal once in a while!
Dave
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