Have you ever seen a liberal politician in need and wished there was something you could do to help? Me neither, but on the off chance you're one of those people, this is your opportunity.
For the price of just 15 cups of coffee – at Starbucks – you can help save Hillary Clinton from having to personally pay off her campaign debt, all while watching Jon Bon Jovi perform.
On Jan. 15 – this Thursday – "A final evening in support of Hillary Clinton for President Debt Relief" will attempt to rid our nations newest secretary of state of her remaining $6.3 million campaign debt. In the good old days, that amount was nothing that $20 worth of cattle future investments couldn't have handled, and it's the best evidence of how our ailing economy has harmed even the wealthiest and well connected of our illustrious public servants.
Remember when musicians put on concerts to help people who were actually in need? Now we're having concerts for rich politicians. This is pathetic, shameless and true to the Clinton tradition.
Tickets for the event range from $75 to $1,000. This means that, if the fundraiser is run in accordance with government math, all Hillary will have to do is sell 100 of the $75 tickets and 25 of the $1,000 tickets, and the entire $6.3 million debt will be considered paid in full.
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I'm almost tempted to donate. One of my greatest fears was to see Hillary Clinton as president, and that didn't happen due to the many, many mistakes that were made by the Clinton campaign – and I hate to see that brand of incompetence go unrewarded.
Hillary Clinton's hope and dream was to be president of the United States, and that dream was dashed. It's a sad story, and no doubt this fact will be camped up to the nth degree at the fundraiser.
I picture the evening opening with Hillary sitting in a mud pit with flies buzzing around her head while a weepy Sally Struthers whimpers into the camera, "It takes a village to bail out wealthy politicians whose dreams were dashed … please help!"
Dinner and dancing will follow, and as the DJ plays some up-tempo music, look for Bill Clinton to show off his Samba, Merengue and Cha-Cha moves – also look for Hillary to throw a coffee mug at Bill after she discovers that those aren't dances, but the names of three strippers Bubba brought to the fundraiser.
Then Sally will introduce Jon Bon Jovi, who has fast become the Bob Hope of liberal political cause celebres.
I managed to get my hands on the setlist of songs Bon Jovi has re-written exclusively to perform for Hillary and the liberal audience that will be in attendance. If you're going to Hillary's bailout bash, here's what you can expect to hear:
- "Livin' on a (completely voluntary) Prayer"
- "I'll be there for Hsu"
- "Blaze of Gloria (Steinem)"
- "Lincoln's Bedroom of Roses"
- "You Give Love a Bad Name" (dedicated to Bill)
- "In and Out of Love" (dedicated to Bill)
- "Social Disease" (dedicated to Bill)
- "Last Cigarette" (dedicated to New York Mayor Bloomberg)
- "I'd lie for you"
- "Born to Be My Baby"***
- "Rodham Cowboy!"
- Encore: "Hillarycare" (formerly "Bad Medicine")
***Note: "Born to Be My Baby" was dropped from the scheduled setlist after event organizers learned that the president of Planned Parenthood would be attending the concert.