Dear Dave,
Is it common for older people who have saved their entire lives, have no debt, good pensions and Social Security income to become obsessed about not spending their money? My husband and I almost feel guilty about spending any of the money we’ve worked so hard to save.
Connie
Dear Connie,
What you’re talking about is very common, especially among folks who have developed a pattern of living frugally for 40 or 50 years. I call it the embarrassment of riches. I’ve heard some people in your situation say that they’re even too embarrassed to order dessert in a restaurant. They feel like it’s a betrayal of who they are as a person.
You guys have worked hard, saved big and now it’s time to begin enjoying some of that money. You don’t have to do things that are frivolous or wasteful, but there’s nothing wrong with having a little fun with your money when you can afford to do so.
Here’s an idea that might help you loosen up a bit. Every time you spend money on a luxury, or something fun for yourselves, give a percentage of the amount you spent to help someone else. You don’t have to match it dollar-for-dollar, because you don’t want to blow through your nest egg and have nothing left. But give it a try, Connie. It will bring balance to your life. You’ll be able to have some fun with your money, plus you’ll get the satisfaction of knowing that you’ve helped another human being!
Dave
What about taking help from the state?
Dear Dave,
I just lost my job due to company-wide layoffs. I have an emergency fund in place, but I’m losing my health insurance, and family coverage is very expensive. Our state has a program that covers children’s health care in these kinds of situations. Would it be OK to accept this kind of state assistance for my kids until I find another job and things get better?
Paul
Dear Paul,
It’s perfectly OK to accept help when you’re down or struggling. On the other hand, to define yourself as being down or struggling is just plain wrong. By this, I mean you should never just sit there, consider yourself helpless and expect someone to take care of you!
Remember this: Every person falls down. Loser’s stay down; successful people get back up. Remind yourself every day that you’re a success looking for a place to blossom.
If I woke up one morning and realized I had no insurance or couldn’t feed my family because I’d lost my job, I’d be out looking for work all day long, every single day. If that didn’t work, I’d pack everyone up and go find another place to work and live. At the very least I’d map out a plan to work and make money somewhere else during the week, then come home weekends.
You sound like a good dad. I love the fact that you’re thinking about your kids. Do what’s necessary to take care of them right now, even if it means getting help from the state. Make sure you’re out there busting it and trying to make something happen in the job market, too. Being down and struggling for a little while is OK, but you shouldn’t still be living this way six months from now!
Dave
Let’s curb the kangaroo court of anonymous sources
Tim Graham