Editor’s note: Michael Ackley’s columns may include satire and parody based on current events, and thus mix fact with fiction. He assumes informed readers will be able to tell which is which.
Yours truly is on vacation, but I wanted to share this correspondence. The “Dear World” letter is being circulated by adherents of the left. The “Dearest USA” letter is the reply by one of my closest friends. We’re sure the former is making the rounds of the Bush haters; we thought the latter deserved a bit wider circulation, too.
Dear World,
We, the United States of America, your top quality supplier of ideals of democracy, would like to apologize for our 2001-2008 interruption in service. The technical fault that led to this eight-year service outage has been located, and the software responsible was replaced Nov. 4. Early tests of the newly installed program indicate that we are now operating correctly, and it became fully functional on Jan. 20. We apologize for any inconvenience caused by the outage. We hope you enjoy the resumed full service and we hope to improve that service in years to come. We thank you for your patience and understanding.
Sincerely,
The United States of America
Dearest USA,
As a marcher-voter-registrar-demonstrator in support of the Civil Rights Movement 1961-72, I am dismayed that you could take pride in electing a man of African ancestry as your president who denies the civil right to life.
How can you congratulate yourself for being a “supplier of ideals” when you elect a president who advocates expanding the infanticide and murder of unborn children? Isn’t it enough that your Supreme Court saw fit to strike down laws, duly established by the various states (in opposition to the rights guaranteed in your Constitution), protecting the life of live unborn children?
Do you now feel the need to boast for electing a president who has promised to restore partial-birth abortion, killing babies born alive following abortion initiatives, aborting babies of young teens without notifying their parents (yet upholding laws requiring parent approval for minors to get a tattoo), allocating over $500 million to support abortions performed by Planned Parenthood, and requiring God-fearing doctors and nurses to perform abortions in opposition to their consciences?
How can your Bush bashers object to the loss of life in Iraq and, in the same breath, advocate expansion of your abortion industry which has been responsible for the killing of more persons than have been lost in all the wars fought by the USA since its beginning as a nation?
Why didn’t your Bush bashers ever recognize the millions of lives saved by his initiatives to prevent malaria and treat AIDS victims in Africa?
Well dear and noble USA, “supplier of ideals,” I don’t understand how you can hold up your new president’s proposed laws protecting infanticide as a new freedom. What about the inalienable civil right to life for a live unborn citizen? What about freedom of conscience for persons under an oath to do no harm? What about a parent’s right to protect the welfare of their minor child? Or their right to protect the life of their unborn grandchild?
Maybe I’m missing the logic, or ethics, or morality of these new “ideals.” But then you’ll have to forgive me, unlike your new president, I didn’t graduate from Harvard Law School.
Sincerely,
Ashamed in America
How’d Trump do it? Here’s his secret weapon
Wayne Allyn Root