News Bulletin: In a stunning, unprecedented civilian uprising, President Obama, Vice President Biden, Speaker Pelosi and Senate Majority Leader Reid were recalled and sent packing. Practically overnight, responding to the national emergency, an extraordinary election propelled entertainer/activist Pat Boone into the White House. The new president just revealed his first-term agenda. …

Wow, I had this crazy dream last night! Maybe it’s something I ate, or more likely, all the insane stuff we’ve all been hearing constantly on the news. I say “insane” because the measures and pronouncements being made by our president and our Congress – without consulting at all with the folks who elected them! – are truly the stuff of nightmares. But it’s all happening, in real time and right before our eyes.

Well, as my dream continued, I saw myself, President Boone, on all media, praying for God’s guidance, and then laying out my priorities and commitments to the American people. I believed these were the reasons they had just elected me.

Surprisingly, my first priority was not the economy – it was our military. As horrible as our apparent financial collapse appeared, I realized that America had to fortify, support and depend on our trained and experienced military leaders. My first and most important duty as president was to “defend the country against all enemies, foreign and domestic,” and if I didn’t do that with all our combined strength, the economy wasn’t going to matter for long. Whatever our brave men and women needed, before, during and after our conflicts, they would get. No ifs, ands, or buts.

Next, the economy. I immediately replaced Timothy Geithner with Steve Forbes who, as a true patriot and much-respected free-market scholar, became secretary of the treasury. Together, and with new leadership in the Congress (including Newt Gingrich temporarily in his former post in the House), we rescinded almost all the “bailout” and “stimulus” abominations, assuring the beleaguered taxpayers they no longer would have to shoulder one and a half trillion dollars in unpayable debt. Debt they never signed their names to.

The huge corporations – auto companies, banks and mortgage companies, all the institutions that had either caused the financial wreck or were asking for billions to compensate for their own bad judgments – were told to file for Chapter 11 bankruptcy and start their restructuring on their own, like any smaller business would have to do, and always has.

I knew this would cost a lot of innocent people their jobs, but I pledged that Congress and I would extend temporary aid to all those folks, and it would cost hundreds of millions less than the bailouts and stimuli. My announced reasoning, in this and other matters, was that responsible people had to clean up their own messes and not lay all the horrific costs on citizens who had nothing to do with the executives’ bad choices.

Further, I pledged a “zero sum” budget that I would defend with my life and honor. Each year, Congress and I would lay out the stingiest budget we could and still fulfill our basic duties, and we would be forbidden to advance or spend another dime. There would be absolutely no “earmarks” or “pork” allowed for anything! I voiced my long-held conviction that taxpayers in Alabama should not pay for “bridges to nowhere” in Alaska or Pelosi programs to save salt mice in San Francisco. I stood firm for States’ rights – and States’ responsibilities.

With Secretary Forbes’ guidance, we instituted the long-sought flat tax, greatly simplifying the whole process and making it much fairer to everybody. Nobody would pay more than 10 percent, and with family deductions, lower-income folks would pay little or nothing. Amazingly, by ridding ourselves of a 700-page code and all the loopholes still in it, and by taking undue burdens off businesses, statistics showed that the government would do better than it ever did before with all its labyrinthine complexity.

I announced we were going back on the gold standard, backing every dollar with an equivalent in gold, based on a fair market price for gold itself. It would give American currency real value, not just meaningless paper, and would increase the price of gold and with it the value of our currency!

My government slashed government excess and wasteful, counterproductive spending by billions of dollars. A first move was to immediately quit sending billions and billions to other nations who consistently vote against us in the U.N. My quote in the address was: “If they’re not for us, they’re agin’ us. They can go on without our aid.” I made an executive order rescinding two of President Obama’s orders – one committing America to $900 million for aid to Gaza, as if it were our responsibility to pay for the damage done there as Israel defended itself against constant rocket shelling, and the other committing taxpayers’ millions to worldwide “planned parenthood” abortion services. I noted that the abortion industry had received an unbelievable nearly $2 billion in aid in the last four years from taxpayers who deeply oppose abortion, through a government which had obligated them without their consent.

I pledged the full strength of my administration to influencing pharmaceutical companies and insurance companies, along with hospitals across the country, to make health care much more affordable to all folks – but not to create socialized medicine with all its failings, demonstrated in every country that has it.

As a man who intended to be a teacher myself, I issued an ultimatum to the teachers’ unions: They would return to basic math, including arithmetic, and basic English (the mandated official language), and basic science devoid of unproven theories like evolution, sticking instead to factual evidence and not discounting “intelligent design” as the more scientific basis for life and existence. All history books would again detail the reasons America was founded, and tell the stories of our Founding Fathers and national heroes – not latter day revisions. Teachers’ pay and advancement would depend on the test scores and comprehension of their students.

And a final ultimatum was directed to the courts, from the Supremes on down to local judiciary: “Hands off religion, as the First Amendment dictates. And you will no longer legislate from the bench. Keep your personal ideas to yourselves, and enforce the legislated will of the people.”

I woke up tingling with excitement – only to find I’d been dreaming. But I can’t get it out of my mind.

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