Jamie Masada, the owner of the Laugh Factory in Los Angeles, has started a petition in which he’s seeking a portion of federal bailout money (approximately $700,000) to sponsor a “Comedy Bailout Tour.”
A cardinal rule of comedy has just been broken: Never do your funniest joke first.
Here’s some of the verbiage on the petition:
The Laugh Factory is imploring Congress to immediately fund what owner Jamie Masada calls an “Economic Cheer-Up.” Job loss and unemployment rate figures were worse than analysts expected and the Labor Department’s report shows America’s workers being clobbered by a wave of layoffs unlikely to ease in the coming months.
The Laugh Factory would like to join the ranks of those banks and corporations who are lining up in front of Congress for a bail-out. All the money received would directly lift the spirits of a burdened people by funding a nationwide comedic tour.
A comedy bailout? Hey, why not? I don’t know about you, but I already thought the government was deeply involved in the comedy business. Not a day goes by that I don’t laugh like crazy at its slapstick-style buffoonery. It would be the perfect pairing if government and comedy hooked up officially.
But this is where the comedy industry could be making a colossal error. It seems to be forgetting that once you accept government money, your industry is then under the complete jurisdiction of the federal government – up to and including how much the performers earn and what jokes are told.
Frankly, I’m looking forward to government-run comedy and the full socialization of the humor industry. The comedy business will be bureaucratized and federalized to the point where the jokes will be along these lines:
“Knock Knock.”
“Who’s there?”
“It’s discrimination to base your decision on whether or not to open this door on the sound of my name, you know.”
A Jew, a Catholic, a Buddist and a Mormon walk into a government bar. Government bartender says “Can’t come in here without a Muslim and an atheist folks.”
President Obama is asking his staff what songs to load on the queen’s i-Pod when his national security adviser runs in and says “North Korea just launched a missile.”
The president says, “Don’t think I’ve heard that one. Hum a few bars.”
Two Eskimos are in an igloo. One’s holding a fish and the other’s holding a banana. The Eskimo holding the fish says “We can’t finish this joke because Gov. Palin declined stimulus funding.”
Al Gore goes to confession and says “Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.”
“What is your sin?” the priest asks.
“I scammed an organization out of money,” says Gore. “But I cannot tell you which. Please forgive me for my sin.”
“Was it U.S. steel?”
“No, Father,” says Gore. “I cannot tell you which. Please forgive me for my sin.”
The priest persists, “The Dairy Farmers of America? The Japanese auto industry?”
“I can’t tell you. Please just forgive me for my sin,” pleads Gore.
“Very well,” says the priest. “Say five Hail Mary’s and four Our Fathers, and you will be abolished of your sin.”
Al Gore walks out to the pews where Tipper is waiting. “What did you get?” asks Tipper. Al grins and says, “I got five Hail Mary’s, four Our Fathers and three good leads.”
A man says to his government doctor, “Doc, it hurts when I do this.” The government doctor says “Me too … I was making more money when I worked at the car wash.”
A Christian, a Muslim, a Buddhist, a homosexual, an atheist, a Jew and 16 illegal aliens walk into a government bar. All carpooled together in a hybrid vehicle and always vote for Democrats. They all make the same amount of money, but only three of them have jobs. The three who have jobs have worse heath care plans and higher mortgage rates than the rest, are blamed for all the problems in the world and don’t seem to mind. The government bartender says, “Now this is the way to tell a joke!”
